Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Elsewhere in the lobby, Ryan is chatting up this tall, spiky-haired, skinny, cute as hell boy and his also cute mother. The guy, Donny Meacham (19, Alpharetta GA), sang in the Atlanta Boys Choir when he was eight and Mom says that was the last time she's heard him sing. Ryan figures this must be exciting for her to get the chance to hear him sing again after eleven years. Donny jokes that his mom listening in on his audition is going to make him nervous. He is crazy dorky and I love him. He trots out in front of the judges all energetic-like. Randy asks him if he's really the best undiscovered talent in America. Donny says, "I think I am, and I hope that I am, and I hope that y'all think I am." Yes, Donny, but do you want them to know that you want them to know? He sings "Bridge Over Troubled Water," only he doesn't, really. He can't hold a note, so everything is uh-hup a-hand dow-hown like that. It is a first-degree manslaughter, and Simon tells him so. I can't tell whether Donny is actually delusional or just going through the motions because he knows he sucks and just wants to be on TV. I would so much prefer the latter. Paula tells him he's not a singer, and he starts to put up a fight before he realizes he doesn't want to be that guy. But he still has all ten fingernails in his mouth when Simon tells him he's "being kind" when he says to change career paths. I don't know what to make of you, Donny Meacham. He leaves the room to the sounds of Paula and Randy arguing if it's shitty of Simon to call for a yes-or-no vote when the answer is clearly no. It's dumb, and Donny slinks off lest the dumb rub off on him. In the hallway, Ryan wonders if the ten-year hiatus from singing may have contributed to it. See, I think Donny knew he wasn't going anywhere and Ryan is in on the joke. I think.Ryan's VO keeps with the family theme and introduces us to Kendra Winston (24, Greensboro NC). Check out the bio on Kendra: She grew up in foster care and group homes; she was a ward of the state; she tells Ryan she has moved homes forty-two times; she became emancipated at fifteen; she had three children, two with her no-account husband; she put her husband out, and within a year got her GED, got a scholarship, and started college; and from there, she saved up and got herself and her kids out of public housing. Somewhere in there, I think I stood up and applauded Kendra Winston. Which probably means I'm a sucker for this show. Honestly, though, I love this girl. And I love her even more because right before she enters the audition room, as she and Ryan are finishing up their pep talk segment, my girl puts her arm on Ryan's shoulder, gets all serious, and says, "I just wanted to tell you how hot you really are." Then, deadpan and barely above a whisper, she repeats, "How hot you are." Then she falls out giggling as Ryan says they'll probably edit that out. Y'all, that was a fantastic thing to see, and I will tell you why. Because the corollary to Jacob's rule about Ryan having no genitalia of any kind is that no one else with genitalia of their own can have real feelings for him. It's the Little Mermaid bargain he made when he got this gig. And Kendra is in on this, I think, which is what made the whole "how hot you are" thing so funny, for her and for us.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24Next