Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Anyway, Kendra steps in front of the judges with her Seacrest afterglow on. Simon says she looks like a young Whitney, to which she squeals that everybody has been saying that since she did her hair up curly. She used to get Tyra, but never Whitney until recently. I can see the Tyra, what with the five-head and all. But if you ask me, and this is coming from Kendra's new best friend if she'll have me, the only thing the curls suggest to me is Larry Fine from the Three Stooges. It actually gives the illusion of balding. Whatever. She sings "Aint No Mountain High Enough," and while Randy notices some "up in the nose" issues, he and Paula both say yes. Simon says he would have said no, to which Kendra says, "Good thing is it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm going." And it tells you all you need to know about Kendra when I say that the panel busts out laughing at this, including a big smile from Simon. Kendra flips out and spins around for a second, and then centers herself with "...and I'm calm." Which I found shticky and annoying, but then you can see a grin peek out as she hits the door, so we're cool again.
Okay, so then Kendra goes out into the hall where her kids and friends are, and she literally goes right past the kids to hug the friends, then goes right past the kids again in search of Ryan ("where's my boyfriend?"). Ryan has to actually point out to Kendra that her kids are happy for her, at which point she kind of fakely hugs the three of them, and then jokes, "This means I'm leaving you. Bye-bye." Was that all deeply weird? Yes. Does it change my opinion of her? No. No, it does not.Back from the commercial break, Ryan's giving some cliché-o-meter spiel about stepping up and delivering, which for no reason I can think of brings us to Kenneth "Chase" Bush (20, Richmond KY). Chase is a big guy with a round face, a lavender shirt, and Seacrest hair. He gives props to Kelly, because you kind of have to, and says that he thinks the winner of AI 5 is going to blow her out of the water. Which you'd think would mean he was going to blow Kelly out of the water, but he totally doesn't believe that. He sings "I Have Nothing" and all of a sudden it's another effeminate boy singing Whitney Houston, but I think the fact that this song doesn't involve him crowning himself queen lessens the blow to Simon's sensibilities. He's pretty okay in the sense that he had all the trappings of being a chucker, but he's really not. You can see Paula kind of struggling with the dissonance here, but she eventually arrives at the conclusion that Chase has a "pleasing" voice. Randy says, complimentarily, that he sounds like a young Wayne Newton. Simon goes to the "I picture you wearing a dress" place, because he has run out of ideas. And...look, there are men who audition for AI who do sing in a feminine way. But the two who we have seen Simon encourage to go drag haven't sung that way. Charles Berry from last week sounded like any of the thousand Stevie Wonder wannabes from last season. Chase sounds kinda Broadway, but it's dude Broadway. But Simon sees the lavender and just...well, sees lavender, you know? Chase starts to be like "I will not wear a dress for you," until he reconsiders mid-sentence and is all, "unless you want me to wear a dress." Oh, Chase. Almost. There is talk of yellow chiffon and shoes and whatnot, but Chase has already kind of lost me. The funny thing is that Simon is actually really cool here, and nicer than the dialogue would lead you to believe. He votes no, but you can tell he's not displeased when Randy and a wheedled Paula say yes. Welcome to Hollywood, Chase. Better firm up that resolve.
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