Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Back from the commercials (and the 853rd showing of Kristy Swanson's bloody chin), and we're being told that thus far no one has made it to Hollywood. After wasting some time with a flat iron and a doo-wop group, we arrive at Jose "Sway" Penala (27, South San Francisco CA). Jose is very handsome, bald by choice, and dressed pretty well if you choose to ignore the "Sway" belt buckle he's wearing, and I do. His eyebrows came to play, too. He sings "Superstar," which already means he's going to the next round. Lucky for us, he's really good. He's a snapper/arm-waver, which usually annoys me, but not this time. Simon calls him "soulful" and he gets three yes votes and is the "first" San Franciscan to Hollywood. Also getting through are Road Rules Jodi's doppelganger in a suede jacket, as well as a handful of other nondescript singers.
Ryan VOs that the good times are about to come to an end, though. Enter Matthew "Wolfie" Paulson, who I swear to you was just on Beauty and the Geek. With the pants hitched up like that? Okay, so before we get into his audition, I present to you: A Conversation.
Jacob: Matthew "Wolfie" Paulson (21, Elk Grove CA) is a furry. You can quote me on that.
Joe R: And I certainly will.
Jacob: I'm sure people would love to know what a furry is actually like, and now they can. I myself have not met a furry, but I am pretty sure he is one. Like, I would bet a hundred dollars.
Joe R: Do they all button their top button like that?So Matthew "Wolfie" thinks he sounds a little bit like Clay. Not exactly like Clay, but his "voice range is around Clay Aiken's." If you think I'm stepping into the ring with Aiken on my first week, you are sorely mistaken. Matthew tells the judges that he's "Wolfie" because he "love[s] wolves," so, point: Jacob. He sings "Measure of a Man," in nothing resembling a key whatsoever. I am listening to the lyrics to this song for the first time in history. The neutrality of that statement is iron-clad. Wolfie is another one whose voice cracks, at which point the judges stop him outright. Randy invokes, like, the ghost of Clay Aiken in implying that this mythical Clay would not approve of Wolfie's rendition. He is unanimously turned down. But before we're done with this segment, Ryan VOs us into a Clay flashback, where we are asked to compare him side-by-side with Wolfie. So there is Clay Aiken on my TV screen. He is singing. Factual statements. Who is this Kathy Griffin you speak of?
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