Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Back from the break, squinty Ryan proposes a hypothetical to us about how if you were in the Air Force serving overseas, but you really wanted to become a professional singer, wouldn't you come audition for American Idol? I love how Ryan has this "yeah, if you had shellshock, maybe" tone in his voice. Ryan's funny when he can't contain his self-loathing anymore. So John Williams (28, Sacramento CA) isn't the composer of the Star Wars theme, unless that John Williams is a skinny black guy with braces. He's got a cadre of family with him, along with his voice coach, and he comes across as very mild-mannered and gives you no indication that he has secretly gone off his meds. He sings a song about a city winking its sleepless eye at you, and he's walking that fine line of not good that could conceivably get him passed on to Hollywood but no farther. But then, once the judges start to get eye-rolly, he stops himself ("hold up, remix"), throws on some shades, and takes off his buttondown to reveal this neo-chain mail garment/thing. He proceeds to beatbox, pop 'n' lock, toss in a Michael Jackson "hoo!" and I think maybe he throws an Ickey Shuffle in there, too. That was a mess. Paula claps, all alone. Randy calls it an "act," and honestly thinks John is some local performance artist instead of an Air Force pilot whose dreams were too big for the cockpit. Simon is having a tough time connecting all the dots that make up John Williams, and says "no." Paula says "yes." Randy says it was like a circus act, and -- here's where it gets interesting -- Simon is like, "Yeah, I thought that was a bit rude." Taking the piss out of Randy for every time that shoe has been on the other foot. Randy and Paula don't seem to get this concept of "sarcasm," though, and try to point out to Simon that it's incongruent for him to talk about rudeness, considering he is the one who is so often rude. Why, I never thought of it that way! So, it is my opinion that Randy was going to deny John, but now, to spite Cowell, he's sending him to Hollywood. Simon doesn't care, because he'll just cut him the next round anyway. So John goes to the lobby to freak out with his family, and there are snaggly teeth involved there that will haunt my dreams forever, so let's not dwell on it.The less than three seconds we see of John Williams with his vocal coach bring us to our next montage. I have to say, I am a big fan of the tenuous segue, so you will not hear me complain about how these audition episodes are tied together with kite string and scotch tape. So we see a whole bunch of singers with their possibly-overinvested vocal coaches, and the song they've chosen for this segment is "Teacher's Pet," and I freak out more than a little bit. Because I, like most of the rational world, adore Waiting for Guffman, and Parker Posey singing "Teacher's Pet" is up there with the funniest scenes in that movie. That is a funny audition, show. Recognize.
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