Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Ryan's VO isn't concerned with the power politics of it, though. He just wants to see them fight. So we get a fake ring bell, and it is awwn. Randy keeps telling the auditioners that Simon is having an off day. Simon keeps saying he's not. We get quick clips of these really borderline auditioners who honestly could go either way. I'm repeating myself, because I do not get what is so hard to understand. Everybody continues to play along the same dynamic there has always been (Simon is harsh, Paula is nice, Randy votes based on how cool it'll make him look), but now all of a sudden this is weird? Simon tells this one girl that she has no singing voice at all, and Randy responds with "no, no, she has a voice. It's just not...pleasant." Randy Jackson: Your advocate for unpleasant voices. Simon tells another girl that she was "excellent," and Randy tries to nitpick about "excellent" versus "pretty good." Again, I'm seeing power struggle. It just devolves from there. Simon thinks Randy is "winding [him] up," then he calls a girl "Kelly" when her name is "Cheri." You can tell he's already kind of checked himself out.
Enter Deborah Dawn Tilley (27, Ely NV). First of all, I am so sure she's 27. Twenty-seven years sober, maybe. She does kind of have that "rock against drugs" school assembly band look to her ("You can't rock the show with blow," and so forth). She's got this giant mane of ratty hair, tinted glasses, and is wearing what just might be a burlap sack. She's singing "Shake a Tail Feather," not that you'd be able to recognize it. She's like the worst music/art teacher you could ever have in high school. Paula says she's a "bit much," but she of course says "yes," because that's her role. Randy's leaning towards a "no," but he doesn't commit yet. Simon says she looks like somebody's mother dressing up like Cher for a costume party. See, I liked his line from Tuesday's previews more ("You look like a mother trying to pass for a daughter"). Randy gives his "no," and Simon wants to hear her sing with his eyes shut. Which is not that outlandish a suggestion. Lady looks like a trash heap; maybe she would come off better if you were just hearing the voice. Paula flips a switch here, and says that's what Simon said about Clay Aiken. Randy gives this totally taken aback "ooh!" I love how, even on the actual show, Aiken is "he who must not be named." It's like a pall falls over the proceedings whenever he's invoked. This happened with Wolfie, too.
Simon and Paula get into a slapfight about two different things: 1) whether Simon said that about Clay; and 2) whether Paula was there when Clay auditioned. They're both talking about completely different things, and Paula actually still seems pissed about the comment, which is ri-donk, in terms of not letting shit go. Paula's response is to turn her chair away from Simon. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Deborah Dawn is dismissed. Everybody's at the end of their rope right here, and one more "Simon's having a bad day" from Randy is all Simon needs. He walks out. Again, it could read like a power play here -- removing yourself in order to salvage the upper hand. Okay, it more easily reads like he's pissed and doesn't want to get into a screaming fit on camera. Either way, he exits the room, then the building, and climbs into his limo, not to return. Randy is still at the table, and says, "Let's just get through it." Oh fuck off, Jackson, like you didn't set this whole thing in motion anyway.
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