Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
We close with Rhonetta calling out Simon on the sidewalk as traffic rushes by behind her. Every time she curses, we get a car horn bleep. A different car horn every time, which means, yes, there is an "ah-oooga!" in there. Which is nice. With one final "motherfucker," Rhonetta walks out into the street, as the screen fades to black and the audio folks play out their fantasies of Rhonetta getting run down by a Buick.
As we wrap things up in Greensboro, the sing-out is "Fame," which is kind of appropriate, although considering all the hard luck stories we've heard tonight, perhaps "Flashdance (What a Feeling)" would have been more apropos. Among others, we see: DVD Marcus; this 1970s blaxploitation private eye; StripperDaughter Chonna; denim dude (again!); adorable asthmatic Donny; Chipette Rhonda; Fire Marshall Jordan; some pink-clad girl with a huge flower on her shirt, like she's on some hidden camera mission; this Tori Amos looking lady with ratty hair; Halicia Thompson (hey, who let the good singers in?); Scary Sammy; Fantasia Barrino Thrice Removed; and Rhonetta goddamn Johnson. At one point, the screen goes all 24 on us, because that's how many hours they've programmed for this stupid show this week. And we end on Sammy giving us a Mary Katherine Gallagher "Superstar!" Which poor Ryan is forced to parrot as we go into the credits.Wednesday
Ryan Seacrest is hanging out the side of a cable car like the world's wussiest Jeff Probst impersonator. He's in San Francisco, which is the show's only stop on the West Coast this season. So an entire time zone's worth of freaks is promised to us tonight. Ryan is both squinting into the sun and smiling even more aggressively than he normally does. It's unsettling, like's he's had plastic surgery that only the sun can reveal. He shifts to VO, as we see the usual San Francisco staples: Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, cable cars, "be sure to wear some flowers in your hair," Fisherman's Wharf. LaToya London is from here, and last year's San Fran audition brought us Nadia Turner. Man, I loved it when the camera would get all up in Nadia's grill like they show here. Like she was going to eat my heart. Oh, and William Hung got "discovered" here, too. Again with the William Hung? Is this like hazing for the new recapper? As we pan over the throngs of auditioners, we get a punk version of the "flowers in your hair" song. I would rather the show had went with "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," but that one is close to my heart, so perhaps it's best that it's not associated with my American Idol experience.
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