Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II
By Joe R | Season 5 | Episode 2 | Aired on 01.23.2006
Cedric Robinson (22, High Point NC) is supposedly "related to" Fantasia Barrino. Now, that's some fuzzy language right off the bat. I'm "related to" half of Western New York because portions of my family are both Catholic and Irish. So I'm well-versed in the language of third and fourth cousins and "that lady is your great-grandmother's grand-niece through marriage." So "related to" doesn't necessarily mean Fantasia has ever met Cedric in her life. At least, I hope not, because Cedric is awful. I do not advocate Simon using the "wear a dress" line as a put-down in the first place, but if he's really talking about boys who sing like girls, Cedric is one. And it's a tone-deaf girl besides. Randy's like, "Dude, that was awful." Cedric says he's been singing since he was three years old, like that makes him look any better, and he's sent away. What a pointless way of trying to shoehorn Fantasia into the episode.
Okay, so next we see this very pretty young black girl with her family. She is Paris Bennett (17, Fayetteville GA) and she is with her grandmother, who I don't think is crazy, but rather a Grammy award-winning gospel singer. Though I wouldn't exactly rule out "crazy" on account of her bright pink jacket and matching newsboy cap. Paris, by way of contrast, is wearing Chloe Dao blue, which looks fantastic on her. So the grandma's name is Ann Nesby, and she sang for a group called Sounds of Blackness, and I knew none of this before, but Randy Jackson assures me that it's a very big deal. Grandma Ann explains how everyone in Paris's entire lineage was a great singer so, you know, no pressure, kid. Paris has kind of a helium speaking voice, and Paula remarks that she likes it. Paris is also a "yes, ma'am" girl, which Paula has the class not to make about herself ("my mother is 'ma'am'" and all that bullshit) and instead takes it in as part of the raised-right, impeccably groomed entity that is Paris. She starts out by singing "Cowboy Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks, which makes me love her instantly. It's a great rendition, too, and Paula notes how different her singing voice is, compared to her speaking voice. Then Paula asks Paris to "bless us" with another song, so she sings Billie Holiday's "Take Five," which is perfect, because it shows diversity and all that good stuff. Not like she hadn't already sewn up Hollywood at this point. Paula actually loses control of her limbs at one point, and it's not due to her chronic pain. The judges sail her on through to the next round. Outside, Paris is barely out the door before she drops to the ground, freaking out and crying. The door kind of hits her on the shoulder, in fact. She can barely stand up. Ryan gets really cool here in that way that Jacob loves, and he asks her if she wants to get down on one knee. I'm thinking (hoping) that Paris was too young to realize how much of a ringer she was, because this reaction seems genuine, despite how much of a fait accompli it all was.We slideshow our way through other Hollywood-bound auditioners at the end of day one: guy in bubble jacket; jumpy girl who reminded me of ANTM Brittany; and cowboy hat dude with a bad high-school-senior mustache.
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