Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
Meanwhile, LesBianca's squiggled Big Gay Chris out of the commercial break and over to her mother's apartment, where she finishes fisting him of his powers. Once he comes to, they snipe at each other until she sullenly snatches up a piece of chalk to trace the outline of a triquatra all over her mother's wall. So much for Carol's security deposit. Big Chris reminds everyone that the spell responsible for depositing him in the present is "a one-way door" that grants its reciter the power to travel backwards in time, and nothing else. How does LesBianca intend to lug Big Chris back to 2026? "He created a new spell because of you," she snits without taking her eyes from the symbol she's drawing. "It goes both ways." So does Big Gay Chris, apparently. Thank you and goodnight! Be sure to try the salmon -- it's delicious! "I'm touched," Big Chris bitches. "You should be," LesBianca sneers before laying it on the line: The only way Big Chris gets to live is if she fists him of his powers and drags him back to the future herself. Otherwise, "He" will keep sending assassins back, and all one of those guys will have to produce is Chris's big gay corpse. "Doesn't matter," Chris snots, flipping the Cracker Jack engagement ring onto the coffee table. "There's nothing left in the future anyway." He slouches back on the couch to pout. Oh, yeah. I know that look. LesBianca glares at him silently, then clomps back to her chalk outline on the wall.
Flash to the future, where LesBianca's just finishing the chalk triquatra in the attic. She tosses the chalk to one side and announces, "It's time." Chris gets cold feet at the last minute, so LesBianca slides the cheap engagement ring off her finger and places it in the palm of his hand. "This will remind you of why we're doing this," she whispers, closing his fingers over the thing. They hug and bump foreheads. Big Chris crosses to the Book's stand, removes a slip of paper from his pocket, and recites the following:
I call upon the ancient power
To help us in this darkest hour:
Let the Book return to this place
To claim refuge in its rightful space.
As a crow caws (!?!), the Book drops from the ceiling to obliterate its holographic reproduction. Chris flips through until he lands on the proper spell, which he hastily reads aloud directly from the page: