Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
Present attic. Raige scrawls something on a sheet of notebook paper. Phoebe, not getting the subtleties of time travel, hoots, "Hurry!" Raige passes the sheet to Phoebe, who rolls it into a scroll before passing it on to Piper. Once the Dolt's pried The Conveniently Squeaky Floorboard Of Massive Contrivance from the floor, Piper tosses the scroll into the hole, and the Dolt -- also not getting the subtleties of time travel -- quickly slams the board back into place and covers it with the carpet.
Future attic. Mangy Jesus hurls Big Chris into a table, which collapses under his weight. Big Chris groans in pain as LesBianca screams, "You promised you wouldn't hurt him!" Mangy Jesus is all, "Whatever, beeyotch," so LesBianca hustles to kneel at Chris's side. Oh, wow. She's actually crying. "Please," she begs Big Chris, trying to stop him, "I didn't bring you here to die." "I know what I'm doing," he pants as Mangy Jesus creaks across The Conveniently Squeaky Floorboard Of Massive Contrivance. Big Chris leaps to his feet and barrels towards Mangy Jesus, who pretty much sidesteps the charge, thereby flipping Big Chris into another table at the opposite end of the room. "Have you lost your mind?" Mangy Jesus seethes, gesturing with his right hand. Big Chris levitates upwards from the floor as Mangy Jesus continues, "I. Don't. Need you!" With that, Mangy Jesus conjures a Flaming Ball Of Death in his left hand and prepares to fling it at Chris, who by now is choking to death up in the rafters. LesBianca grimaces and flies into Mangy Jesus's back. Mangy Jesus howls in surprise, and Big Chris drops to the floor. "Whatever you're going to do, do it fast!" LesBianca urges, and the shot cuts to reveal that she's fisting Mangy Jesus from behind as she speaks. Chris scrambles across the floor, claws at The Conveniently Squeaky Floorboard Of Massive Contrivance, and retrieves the dusty scroll to recite the following:
Powers of the witches rise
Come to me from across the skies
Return my magic, give me back
All that was taken from the attack.
Big Chris's body flashes blue and white just as LesBianca loses her hold on Mangy Jesus. He shoves her violently, and she flies back across the attic to impale herself on a shard of the table Chris had smashed through earlier. Chris screams and TKs Mangy Jesus up through the air to vanquish a lighting fixture bolted to the ceiling. Mangy Jesus crumples face-first to the floor, dazed.