Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
Manor. The Dolt applies a wet washcloth to Big Gay Chris's feverish forehead. "Hang in there, buddy," he breathes. Oh, shut the fuck up, Dolt. "Buddy"? Jesus. What a tool. The ladies enter and reveal that they've pinpointed LesBianca's current location. Piper passes the engagement ring to the Dolt so Big Chris will have something with which to remember his erstwhile fiancée after the gals vanquish her sassy ass. "Or not," Piper adds a bit snippily. Just as the Ps prepare to orb out, a shimmering bluish mojo envelops each individually. The Dolt, of course, has his back to them, and so does not notice LesBianca's wicked triple whammy. Raige immediately announces that she's moving into Castle Montanague, Phoebe asks if Raige can drop her off in Hong Kong on her way to Buttfuck's, and Piper bolts to get some from Fireman Greg. The Dolt, to his credit, instantly recognizes that they're under the influence of something diabolical, but nevertheless stands there uselessly as the gals go their separate ways. Alone again with Big Chris, the Dolt turns in time to hear Chris whimper, "What do I tell them?"
Flash to the future attic, where LesBianca's instructing Big Chris to stick to his cover story as the two edge their way into the room from the stairwell. "You sure I won't lose my powers when I go back?" he wonders. "Not with this spell," she confirms, "which is why we need [the Book]." "Just remember," she urges, "protect [The Doltine Psycho], and you protect the Charmed Ones. Keep them alive for our future." Big Chris is all, "Shyeah, no pressure there," and look at that! He manages to trod upon The Conveniently Squeaky Floorboard Of Massive Contrivance as he crosses to LesBianca's side! What are the odds? LesBianca continues with the pep talk for a bit before crossing to the Book's stand. The Book itself is nowhere to be seen, having been replaced with a holographic replica. LesBianca passes her hand through the image, mainly because some simp on the effects team thought it would be a cool effect. Newsflash: It isn't. Way to blow a couple thousand dollars, guys. "Are you sure you can summon the real Book away from him?" LesBianca asks. "Yeah," he assures her, "but we won't have much time once it gets here. His demons will be all over us." "We won't need much time," she promises, and crosses to the far wall to chalk in the outline of a triquatra on the wood. As she drags the chalk down from the triquatra's highest point, we…