Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
Hear these words, hear my rhyme,
Heed the hope within my mind:
Send me back to where I'll find
What I wish in place and time.
The triquatra's outline emits rays of blue light before flaring open into a portal. Big Gay Chris tentatively approaches it, then pauses to glance back at LesBianca just as a dark demonic enforcer squiggles into the room to grab her from behind. She flips him around and knees him in the groin a couple of times before slamming her fist into the back of his head with enough force to drop him. She orders Chris to leave as the enforcer kicks her legs out from under her. They continue to tussle as Big Chris turns and enters the portal.
Flash back to the present. "You really expect me to jump through this thing like before?" Big Chris rages. LesBianca's all, "You have zero say, dollface," so Big Chris flounces across the room to make "I trusted you!" noises. LesBianca dials it down quite a bit to insist, gently, that she's not giving up on them as a couple. She simply has as little choice in the matter as he, and she hopes he'll realize that. Just as she returns her attention to the chalk triquatra, Raige orbs in with Phoebe and Piper. "Hey, future girl!" Piper shouts, taking a step forward to flip the vanquishing vial at LesBianca's head. LesBianca instantly conjures a dagger and hurls it at Piper while squiggling out. The dagger shatters the vial in mid-air, and continues in slow-motion towards Piper, who tosses out a one-handed freeze. The dagger hangs suspended for a moment before LesBianca squiggles back in, snatches it out of the air, and presses its business end against Piper's throat. "You were saying?" LesBianca ices with a slight lift of her brow. That was wicked cool, people. In fact, I'm sort of hoping they find a way to bring Marisol Nichols back after tonight's hijinks have played themselves out. As long as she keeps her skank hands off my husband, that is.
Raige steps forward, but LesBianca warns her off with, "I can kill her in half the time it takes you to even think about it." "We still have enough potion to vanquish you," Raige retorts. "Maybe," LesBianca smirks, "but then you'll really have to hope the Power of Two will do, won't you?" Raige gapes. "You'd be surprised what's in the history books," LesBianca notes, shooting Raige a disdainful side-eye. Okay, this recap is already longer than War and Fucking Peace, but I'd be remiss if I didn't address this apparent continuity error. If Raige died the day Boobarella attacked the Manor, how is her "Power of Two" quote part of the historical record? Answer: Big Gay Chris altered his original timeline the moment he orbed into the attic that day in May. LesBianca is therefore not the woman he left behind in this evening's flash-forward scenes, but rather a product of the altered timeline in which Raige survived to endure the various gross humiliations the current season has seen fit to visit upon her. What's that? You don't like that explanation? You in fact think I'm so desperate to make some sense -- any sense -- out of the crap plotline they've dumped in our laps tonight that I'll concoct any bullshit justification just to get through the evening without frantically clawing my brain out through my ear? Well, too bad. You'll just have to deal, because who's writing this recap, anyway? Also, you're banned.