Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
Next thing we know, Raige is orbing onto the sun porch to find the Dolt sitting at the table with The Doltine Psycho perched on one of his knees and the Book of Shadows lying open in front of him. The Dolt gives her one look and mutters, "When I said I needed you, I meant a fully-clothed you." Wait, so the peach-colored shift she's wearing is supposed to be an undergarment? Because God knows we've seen her "fully-clothed" in far less. Whatever. "What's the big emergency?" Raige grumbles as the camera tracks in towards the Dolt. "What would you say if I told you the creature who attacked Chris was called a Phoenix?" he asks. Raige rolls her eyes. "I'd say, 'What's a Phoenix?' and then you'd probably tell me." Taking the hint, he slides the Book over to her to indicate the Phoenix entry. It contains a representation of LesBianca's tattoo, and reads as follows:
Descended from the Witch Trials with vengeance in their hearts the Phoenix are a family of assassin witches who are very elite and very powerful and who are born with the distinctive birthmark of the Phoenix symbolizing their rise from Salem's ashes. They have no allegiances other than to their own vengeance and they will seek out and kill any bounty they're hired to hunt down.
They're called "commas," props people. Start using them. The Dolt identifies Big Gay Chris as the Phoenix's current "bounty." "Did you call Phoebe and Piper?" Raige asks. The Dolt notes that Phoebe's at work, and as Piper didn't return from her date until the wee small hours of the morning, he didn't want to disturb her. "Did she come home alone?" Raige wonders uneasily. The Dolt shrugs. "Hey!" Piper perks from the hall, still in her robe. "Talking about me?" "No!" the Dolt too-quickly replies, before babbling something about The Doltine Psycho's feeding schedule and passing the dead-eyed sociopath to his mother to bumble out of the room in search of some coffee. Raige fills Piper in, then hesitantly confesses that she and the Dolt were wondering if Fireman Greg will be embarking upon his Walk Of Shame anytime soon. Piper squirms and reveals that she didn't invite him in the previous evening. "Maybe he's just not the right guy?" Raige suggests. Piper shakes her head. "It's just weird now that I'm a mom," she sighs. "I feel like I'm betraying [The Psycho] somehow." That's healthy, Piper. Not. And talking about it in front of the precocious freak now staring at your tits? Even better. "So, coven of assassin witches," Piper segues abruptly, no longer wishing to ponder her warped love life. Should they fetch the Feebs from work? What if they need the Power of Three? Raige reminds Piper that she vanquished LesBianca on her own, and besides, they "need to try out this whole Power of Two thing" and "learn how to be flexible." She instructs Piper to remain on the sun porch while she fetches a scrying crystal. Piper glances down at the Oedipal creep balanced on her hip and goes, "Hmmm."