Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
…flash back to the present, where the delirious Big Gay Chris mumbles, "Hurry, before He finds us." The Dolt paces behind him, angrily calling for Phoebe and Raige, who, of course, ignore him. Piper floats in from the kitchen in a satiny blouse, burbles some Psycho-care instructions at him, perks, "Wish me luck!" and sails out the front door to get laid. The Dolt waves his arms around in impotent frustration until the squiggle noise hits the soundtrack. "Hoo-HUH!" LesBianca grunts from off-screen, and we see her boot introduce itself to the Dolt's face. The Dolt pitches through the air to slam into the alcove on the other side of the hall. His head rams into the window seat, and he slumps into an unconscious heap on the carpet. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Slow-forward. That was a spectacular example of Dolt abuse, people. So spectacular, I might have to give this episode an A. LesBianca smirks in triumph -- as well she should -- and slinks over to Big Gay Chris. "We're going home," she announces, placing one hand on his chest before squiggling him into the commercial break.
Firehouse. The camera pans down a row of bunker coats and chainsaws before skittering over to the rig, where it leaps into the air to reveal Piper and Fireman Greg atop the truck, apparently naked under a blue blanket, engaged in a particularly noisy liplock. Blah blah foreplay-cakes until the Dolt orbs in off-screen. Piper glances over at him, shrieks, and instantly freezes Fireman Greg where he lies. Piper then jumps to her feet to scream at her ex-husband for stalking her, all the while frantically clutching the blanket around her unclothed body. The Dolt allows her to go on in this vein for far too long before he tosses a potion vial at her feet. Some sort of bluish deactivation mojo races up her body, and when she snaps out of LesBianca's spell, Piper's horrified to find herself nearly naked in the presence of Mr. Hilton Cooties and the ex. The Dolt brings her up to speed on recent events, and suggests they head off to collect Phoebe and Raige. Piper glances down at her blanket-clad body and splutters, "You need to turn around, 'cause, uh, you don't get to see anymore." The Dolt chuckles fondly and complies. Cram it, dipshit.
Castle Montanague. Raige and Slampiece Buttfuck maul each other upon the canopied bed until the Dolt orbs in with Piper to smack Raige up with some deactivation mojo. "No time to explain," Piper blurts. "We gotta get Phoebe, or we're never gonna get Chris." Piper flings a brassiere at her half-sister's head. Raige squeals all, "Hel-lo! Genetic aversion to proper foundation garments! Didn't you get the memo?"