Episode Report Card Demian: A | 210 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Big Gay Chris Went To 2026, And All I Got Was This Lousy Headache
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2003.11.23
The shot shifts to focus on LesBianca's agonized face, then tracks back a bit to reveal she's got about a foot of splintered wood jutting up through her stomach. When Big Chris arrives at her side, she assumes a brave smile and cryptically asks, "Haven't we been here before?" "Maybe we will be again," he replies in kind. The hell? Whatever. She passes the Cracker Jack engagement ring back to him, urging him to finish what they started. She spots Mangy Jesus struggling to rouse Himself and orders Big Chris to hurry, and to "take the spell so [Mangy Jesus] can't send anyone else back." Big Chris races to the Book, flipping it open to the earlier spell. As he completes the first line, Mangy Jesus conjures an FBOD and launches it at Big Chris's head. Big Chris ducks long enough to dodge the thing, then continues reading. The portal opens, and Big Chris snatches up the relevant page in one hand before leaping through the triquatra in the wall. The final FBOD flung by Mangy Jesus scorches the wood when the portal snaps back shut, and…
…Big Gay Chris flies through the same spot in the wall to reenter the present-day attic. "Nice spell," he smiles, rising to his feet. "But we just put it in there, like, two seconds ago," says the Feebs, still not getting time travel. The Dolt starts to pretend he knows how it works, but the Feebs cuts him short with, "I don't want to know. I already have a little headache." To match your little brain. "You have some serious explaining to do, young man!" Piper shouts with more than a hint of motherly disapproval in her tone. "I know," Big Chris gulps, darting his eyes from one Glamorous Lady to another. "I'm sorry I lied to you, but --" " No buts," Piper interrupts. "It's about time you tell us the truth. Now." Big Chris claims he can't, not because he doesn't want to, but because there's only so much he can tell them without the future being adversely affected. His original intent in traveling back through time was to exact a "surgical strike" in defense of The Doltine Psycho. He does not mention that nothing he's done since he arrived seems to have had any meaningful effect on future events. Hmmm. "What about Bianca?" Phoebe asks. "Bianca won't be a threat to anyone anymore," Big Chris sighs after a pause. "I'm sorry," Phoebe offers. "Me too," Chris whispers. He shrugs it off to wonder if they're okay with him hanging around the Manor for another twenty-five years. The ladies defer to the Dolt, who eventually and faux-grudgingly allows, "Absolutely." Toothy smiles all around until the Dolt chides, "The next time you're in trouble, you have to tell us. Trust goes both ways." Again, so does my husband, apparently, but now that his future fiancée's dead, I suppose I have nothing to worry about. Or do I? The Glamorous Ladies thoughtfully eye Big Gay Chris as he nods his head around and exits. I'm dragging him out for a haircut as soon as he gets home. That shag is beyond ridiculous at this point.