Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | 25 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Don't Cry Out Loud
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.22.2007
Alexis Partee is next, and...look, I don't even want to do this. She seems like an awesome girl, perfectly nice. She can't sing, but according to the show thus far, no one in Memphis can. The thing with Alexis is that she needs dental work. A lot of it. She's getting some -- the braces are already on -- but there's some Extreme Makeover stuff that has to happen to her mouth. Horse teeth, where the whole palate is pushed forward...it's rough. I hate even having to describe it, because this is not her fault. But it affects her talking, so of course it's going to affect her singing -- which is a Teena Marie song of some sort -- and the judges are nice enough not to mention it, but that's the only reason she even made it onto tonight's show, which is gross on the show's part. Next?
Oh cool, next is Sundance! Sundance is a large dude with four very distinctive physical features having little to do with his weight: 1) the very, very gelled spiky hair; 2) the overgrown goatee beard like what's-his-face from Anthrax; 3) the sweatiness, which complements his hair quite nicely, and 4) the wide-collared shirt which reveals a Steve-Carell-getting-waxed amount of chest hair. I'm just painting a picture here, folks, so in case you didn't see the show, you'll know who this guy is when he ends up making finals. Because, you guys? He's making finals. If there's anything I've learned about this show, it's that dudes with unconventional good looks, who aren't too girly, and who have the pipes to back it up, get an incredible amount of voter support on this show. See: Aiken, Clay; Bice, Bo; Hicks, Taylor; Yamin, Elliott. The second I saw Taylor Hicks, I said he'd be Top 5 at least, so there's a decent chance I'm not entirely full of shit right now. Anyway, enough about my theories. What about Jason "Sundance" Head? His name comes from his hippie parents (no kidding), and his dad is Roy Head, a blue-eyed soulster whose hit song "Treat Her Right" would be familiar to you if the show would let it get to the "hey! hey! hey!" part, and which, if you're a white Irish Catholic boy, you first heard in the movie The Commitments. Sundance tells us his dad's song was knocked off the charts by "a little song called 'Yesterday' by the Beatles...so, uh, needless to say, he don't like the Beatles." Ha! Theme night throwdown! Ryan tries to get some Oedipal action going on and gets Sundance to admit he's a better singer than his dad, but dad's a "dancin' fool and I got no moves." Sundance is awesome, trying to dance in his little interview room and talking about how he probably should have studied more in high school instead of expecting to be famous by seventeen. He expects to blow the judges away, then adds, "Watch 'em kick me out and you'll air this on TV later: 'Look what a smartass he was!'" Oh, man. Does it count as stacking the deck when he's just an actual cool person?
Inside, Simon has to stifle his instincts to make a dirty pun out of the name "Sundance Head," and instead asks why Sundance is having such an amazing year. Well, he got married and had a kid -- both of which Simon brushes off as "not great" because he is the consummate bitch-titted bachelor about town and can't be tied down by a woman and child -- and now he's on American Idol. He's chosen to sing "Stormy Monday," and he brings the blues to bear on it. Just a huge voice. Paula's impressed, and Randy more so, what with Sundance being a white boy singing the blues so well. Simon calls it "one of the best audition voices we've heard," and says he'd be amazed if he doesn't make the finals. Dude, what did I just say? He's making the finals. Sundance exits and celebrates with his loved ones, while back inside, Simon asides that "He just blew Taylor out of the park." I love Simon Cowell sometimes.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21Next