Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | 25 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Don't Cry Out Loud
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.22.2007
Also trying to comfort Nakia is one Sarah Goldberg, who has decided to accent her own personality with a little pink cowboy hat. Oh, and also with a whole lot of bullshit, but that's in a minute or so. She seems disturbingly familiar to me, like I know or knew someone who looks or speaks a lot like her. Hell, maybe I used to know her, though I kind of hope not. Sarah also chooses the Selena song, and sings it like she's never even heard anyone sing a song before. Randy starts shaking his head "no" about 0.0003 seconds in. Sarah looks like she might already be starting to cry, which just adds to my general sense of not knowing what this girl's up to, at all. Carole, like a scientist studying the species known as "Delusional Idol Wannabe," asks if Sarah honestly thinks she's a good singer. Of course, Sarah's not one to go by, because she readily admits she knows she's not a good singer. "So why are you here?" asks Randy. Glad you asked, Randy!
[Deep breath.]
First, Sarah starts taking Randy to task for shaking his head through her audition, and next she slams Paula for turning to Randy and laughing while she was still singing. So I figure Sarah watched the previous seasons of the show, didn't like the behavior of the judges, and thought she'd audition, bait them, and then wag a finger of shame in their direction. Unfortunately for her, Simon took a powder -- actually, that was unfortunate for us too, because Simon would have shut her down so damn fast. Once again tasked with explaining why she's even there, she again says, "I'm not a singer." "No," says Carole, "we got that." You know, I seriously undervalued Carole Bayer Sager Carrington Colby in the recaplet. She got some good lines in from the periphery on Day One, and now she's sick enough of the bullshit that she's gotten an attitude. Well done. Sarah says she really loves to sing, but all her friends make fun of her because she's tone-deaf. Randy's like, "No kidding," but Sarah freaks and tells him to shut up and says she knows this about herself. Randy gives her the golf clap on that one, because he is beyond sick of her. Then Sarah loses me completely, saying she believes a person who cannot sing can win American Idol, because it'd be a good story, that the show taught her to sing and she'd be inspirational and crap. So now it's not shaming, she's just another delusional nutcase? Great. She makes the argument that Paris Hilton cannot sing, and Randy immediately says, "Paris Hilton is not an American Idol." Sarah freaks again and says she's not stupid, she knows Paris Hilton was never an American Idol. Of course, that's not what Randy's saying. He's saying Paris Hilton is not the caliber of an American Idol. This is like arguing with a drug addict at 3 AM. Randy directs Sarah to look at the Ruben/Kelly/Carrie/Taylor/Fantasia backdrop and acknowledge that every last one of them could, at the very least, sing one note before they auditioned. Sarah actually does turn around -- striking a goddamned attitude pose in the process -- but she still refuses to get it. "I could be the only American Idol who's never sang before." Paula has to put her head down on the table, for reasons entirely different than she's used to. Sarah starts screaming about how she's unique, but Carole says it's time to move on. Randy says at least she got some fame out of this whole ordeal, and Sarah shrieks, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED!" And then, in the clearest act of karma ever, Sarah gets the "...Other door" treatment. Thank God for small favors. Moving on.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21Next