Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | 25 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Don't Cry Out Loud
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.22.2007
Montage O' Suck on the Elvis tip tonight, with some other folks who can't sing "Hunk O' Burning Love" any better than Robert can. Janita and her boobs, for one. There's this guy who looks like a skinnier Biz Markie and he's wearing a...baby bonnet? And they've been showing him all day, so I guess this is the payoff. Two off-key lines from an Elvis song. We see Franks N. Beans from earlier, several scruffy-looking runaways, some fat people, a cheerleader, Timika's bug-eye, and this girl with wildly-colored hair who whines that she can't remember the words and reminds me so much of Real World Svetlana before she became kind of awesome on The Duel. Chris Rivira's there too, rewinding his vocal tape recorder. Baby Bonnet Biz Markie pulls a towel out of his fly. Oooookay.
A lyrical Ryan Seacrest welcomes us back from commercial to "the land where rock and roll was born. For Phil Stacy, it would be a birth of a different sort." Oy. See, it's because Phil's wife just had a baby. Phil looks like if you crossed last season's Patrick Hall with Chris Daughtry and then darkened the eyebrows. He's lovely. He smiles and tells us that he was woken up at 4:30 in the morning to find out that his wife just delivered their second baby girl. That does not sound like it was part of the plan, and I assume the baby was born several days early. He tells the camera that today he's going to sing Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On," because he is "absolutely positive" that's the last thing his wife wants to hear out of him today. He starts cracking up, as do a whole bunch of other people waiting to audition. He turns to some of them and screams, "WOO!" Because he just had a baby, y'all! All that joy and no place to put it.
Inside, the pre-briefed judges clap, and Paula (who's been into her cola) slurs, "Congratulations." Still, you guys, she lasted a long damn time. Randy asks for a cigar, and Phil says he was not planning on the baby being born today. See? Simon has to make sure no one would mistake him for cooing over a newborn baby, so he quickly asks Phil what's more important, the audition or the baby. "Sorry man, the baby," Phil says, and Simon proclaims that "weird" and then polishes his confirmed bachelor cred. Phil says he's changed his mind and instead of Marvin Gaye, he'll be singing "My Girl" to his three girls. He starts off so, so, so bad, but after the first few notes he's able to right his ship, and by the end it's perfectly nice. Randy is doubtful that he's got any "star persona," but with his eyes closed, he likes the voice. Paula's actually very accurate in saying he ended up singing well but "the beginning was weird." She asks for another song, and Phil obliges with "Let's Get It On," and that sounds better. Simon jumps in and says Phil can't start his songs well. Paula says (and I agree -- yikes) that this wasn't as bad a beginning as "My Girl," but Simon thinks it was. Randy and Simon have a friendly bicker session about this point, and while they do, Paula tells Phil that's he's going to Hollywood, because she's suddenly very intuitive with her finger on the pulse of what's going on. It's deeply unnerving to see Paula in control like this, but Phil will take it.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21Next