Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | 25 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Don't Cry Out Loud
By Joe R | Season 6 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.22.2007
Christopher Henry says people tell him he looks like Simon Cowell (he doesn't) or George Michael (he...doesn't). What the hell, Christopher Henry's friends? The judges have been briefed on this, so as soon as Christopher enters the chamber of horrors, Paula's like, "Oh yeah, I see it." This already sucks for Christopher, because now the audition's not about him, it's about the judges ragging on Simon and Simon returning fire at them and hitting Christopher in the process. It starts off nicely enough, with Simon and Christopher kind of off to the side, each basically acknowledging that while they're both quite good-looking, they don't look alike. Christopher seems cool, but he sings Kelly Clarkson's "Before Your Love," and he sounds like a girl, to be perfectly honest. Simon's ready to jump out of his skin, of course, because boys who sing like girls are his kryptonite, for sure. The judges as a whole are at a loss, and even Christopher allows that it's really not anything like a typical singing voice. You know, for a dude. "The reality is," says Simon, "you should be singing with a dress on, and stilettos." Everyone freaks out, because it's last year all over again. Simon maintains that he's not saying it out of disrespect -- and I agree that there is absolutely a way to tell a boy who sings like a girl that maybe he's got a future in drag that isn't insulting, since actually being a drag performer is not insulting, now, is it? But I'm not sure those are his intentions here. Christopher takes it pretty well, actually, even as Paula's slurring that Simon is being "extremely rude." He asks to sing a different song, causing Randy to join the hit parade by suggesting some Barry White (har har) before looking over to Simon for approval or a high-five or something. Paula, in her own Paula way, tries to make a point about Christopher maybe "building an act" around his particular talent...it's so weird, because Paula and Simon are actually saying the exact same thing. Christopher's voice is meant for the cabaret and not for this competition right here, but Simon's saying it his way (as a rude dismissal) and Paula's trying to say it her way (by letting him down easy), and they each despise the other's method so much that they just yell at each other. Simon keeps saying that Paula's wasting everyone's time by pussyfooting around the issue -- the issue for Simon is that this kid is rejected, end of story -- but actually, they would all have been done five hundred hours ago if he'd have just let Paula say her piece and be done with it. Anyway, four no votes, and Simon's an "asshole." Per usual.
We meet Rachel Zevida, 18, out in the parking lot. She's the one we saw earlier, looking to take the Idol title for New York. She's still dressed like Rainbow Brite's brace-faced, hippie cousin. Anyway, she's going to school to be an opera singer, but they don't know she's here, and they might kick her out, so don't tell anyone! She kind of balks at being pigeon-holed as an opera singer, not that I blame her. Her song is "Eternal Life" by Jeff Buckley, and while it's rough around the edges, she made me want to hear more from her. Randy stops her with an "uh...yeah," like that's all that needs to be said. But then Carole immediately says, "I liked that," and she and Paula both ask for another song. I don't recognize the second song, but it's much more pop/R&B than the Buckley song, and Rachel is good enough to shut Randy up, though Simon is still not convinced. Randy asks for some opera, so Rachel...sings some opera. It's Italian and high-pitched and probably very good, not that I can evaluate opera worth a damn. That's three distinct styles in three songs, so now Simon wants to know just what kind of singer she is, anyway. Rachel bristles at this, and says, "I can sing anything. Every week you guys pick a different theme. I can sing anything." Simon tells her to chill -- he's not criticizing, he's just saying: who do you want to be? "I'd like to be me, and me...I'm a singer, songwriter, and a rock star." This bravado she has is very interesting, because there is a definite chance she can back it up, and I'm really excited to see if she can bring it in Hollywood (four yes votes -- she's in). She says she's a rock star, and she's halfway to making me believe she can be. Back on the pier again, Rachel says, "The South has had a lockdown on the American Idol. This year? It's New York!" Repre-sent, little girl!
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21Next