Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Get it on. Bang a Vaughn. Get it on.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.11.2003
Seriously. I don't know how they don't all lose their lunch on a regular basis from laughing so hard at Kevin Weisman. He's just bloody hilarious. I realize he's just the comic relief, but there's a difference between comic relief and comic relief done well, and this is a hockey puck of a steak, it's so well done. All I can say is, if there aren't numerous outtakes on the pending DVD release of the first season, I'm showing up at J.J.'s house with a bazooka and a truckload of angry fans.
Sloane slips a picture of some device up on the screen. "You're looking at a prototype of the triad's most startling achievement to date," he says. "The quantum gyroscope missile guidance system. According to the partial specifications we were able to intercept, not only is this device cheap and easy to manufacture, but it is far more accurate than anything in our current arsenal. It is capable of turning a '70s-era SCUD into a precision-guided munition with range and lethality equivalent to that of a cruise missile." Okay, see, I had to directly transcribe that because there was NO WAY IN HELL to paraphrase it. None. And honestly, it actually takes more time to paraphrase and figure out the inherent meaning in some of this poncey dialogue than it does to just watch the captions and click-clack away at the keyboard. Really. No, really. Also? Shut up.
Syd asks where the gyroscope pics came from. Sloane informs her that there was an SD-5 recon op on the Triad's research and development lab in Nice, France. Consequently, Dix and Syd's assignment is to acquire the gyroscope from a Triad courier by the name of Karl Schatz. He'll be transporting the gyroscope to Berlin for mass production, and Syd will intercept it en route. "There is no room for failure on this one," he says, grimacing. "You can imagine the consequences if enemies of the United States acquired this technology.
Subbasement Of Dreams And Desires. Syd's pouting in the corner. "There are so many things I hate about Arvin Sloane," she whimpers, "but the thing that I hate the most is the way he wraps his criminal activity in a flag." And that thing he does with his teeth after he eats spinach. And that sound he makes when he snores. And the way he watches TV with his mouth hanging open. Oh. Wait. That's Viggo. God, I'm glad he's gone. Fucking hippie hobbit fancier.
What's that? Who's on the phone? Who? Owen Wilson? I don't know any...oh, wait! Dignan? DIGNAN'S ON THE PHONE?! Julio. JULIO. Put the phone down and walk away. It's been two weeks since Mommy kicked Viggo's stanky ass out and she's feeling the need for some sugar. And Owen Wilson is sweeter than summer fruit, dude. JULIO! Don't make me hit you! Hiiiii, Owen!
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