Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Get it on. Bang a Vaughn. Get it on.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.11.2003
Vaughn and Syd make haste down a back hallway and out onto a fire escape. They run down an alley, and a car comes peeling around the corner. They turn and see Blond Mullet guy with his machine gun. Just to make sure that they are aware that it's a machine gun in his hands and NOT a really ugly baby, he fires off a round at their feet. Syd and Vaughn stop short. Bald Guy gets out of the car with his gun readied. Blond Mullet shouts for Vaughn to drop his gun. Vaughn does so. Blond Mullet shouts for them both to get on their knees with their hands behind their heads. They obey.
Bald Guy idiotically makes a call on his cell phone as Blond Mullet starts clamping Syd's wrists. "Patch me through to Los Angeles," says Baldy. "[Face Doneaway]." Syd shoots a look at Vaughn. Blond Mullet walks over and starts to shackle Vaughn, but Vaughn has other things in mind. He shoots out his left leg, retrieving his knife, and then shoves it directly into Blond Mullet's neck. Then he pulls Blond Mullet's gun around and shoots the shit out of Bald Guy. God-DAMN I love it when Vaughn's ActionVaughn! When they're both down for the count, Vaughn frees Syd from her bonds and moves toward her as if to embrace her. She puts him off, however -- GODDAMMIT -- when she hears someone responding to Bald Guy's call. Syd runs over and picks up the phone, hearing Face Doneaway's voice on the other end, sounding strangely as if she's seeking her long lost youth. "Hello? Hello? HELLO?"
Syd shuts off the phone and turns to Vaughn. He hands her the keys. "Take the car," he says. "I'll have Weiss pick me up." Syd's all, I'll pick up the copy of the gyroscope before I get on the plane. Vaughn's all, dude? ABORT THE MISSION. Syd's all, but honey! Vaughn's all, no discussion. Syd starts to cry. Shocker. Is she crying about the bad mission, or is she crying about the fact that she and Vaughn didn't get to share a night of durrrrty lurrrrve? She's all, we were so stupid. Vaughn's all, it's totally my fault. Syd's all, that's not true, love muffin. Vaughn's all, you gotta get out of here. They look like they're about to kiss. COME ON! But they don't. "See you back in L.A.," she says, and runs off. He runs off in the opposite direction.
Oops Center. Vaughn's sitting at his computer, typing up a note to J.J. Abrams that says, in a nutshell, "Uh, thanks for attempting to gain me access to the inner sanctum of Syd's thighs, dude. Oh, and thanks for TOTALLY NOT GETTING ME THERE IN THE LONG RUN. Guns? Knives? Thugs with mullets? Yeah. Not exactly getting horizontal, now, is it? If you're gonna have us endure a rain of bullets, dude, the LEAST you could do is let us touch tongues for a second or two! God. Am I ALONE on this one? Give a brother some lovin', my man!" Agent Sean walks up and reads over Vaughn's shoulder. Sean's all, that your Kendall debrief? Vaughn's all, yeah-huh. Agent Sean's all, dude? You can't give him THAT! At least paste a few naked pictures of Irina in there or something! Dude, I'm serious! Vaughn's all, he'll have to know why SD-6 has the real gyroscope. Sean's like, yeah, okay, fine. But you have to be a little more creative, buddy. Tell him it was my fault, okay? Tell him the lenses took too long to grind and we missed Syd's plane. Or, like, tell him that aliens abducted you and you were anally probed! That'll do it! Aw, he's so cute when he's taking the fall for his buddy. I think Agent Sean's secretly in love with Agent Michael. I do. In the platonic war-buddy sense, that is.
Vaughn and Sean go back and forth about just whose fault it was, and Sean manages to work in yet another mention of his near-death experience. I think it's all about Greg Grunberg being funny now. There's no way you keep mentioning that shit and not think it's funny. Finally, Sean offers the coup de grace: "Not to mention the fact that all the damage that you and Sydney have done to SD-6 -- have you given any thought to the fact that maybe all that work was done because of the way you feel about each other?" Vaughn says nothing, just stares at his screen. "How's that for spin?" Agent Sean says ruefully. Vaughn shoots him a glance, de-creases his one of the furrows on the right, and contemplates Agent Sean's statement. "S'not bad," he says. Sean's all, okay, well, whatever, dude. Just make sure you discuss this crap with Syd first, okay? This affects her too.
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