Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Get it on. Bang a Vaughn. Get it on.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.11.2003
Schatz makes his way through the airport with his two bodyguards. Dix intercepts him, begging for money. They quickly push him aside. As they pass, Dix gets on the horn and tells Syd that she better hurry. And she does. And she's walking. Or should I say CLOMPING. Because, dudes. She is wearing an outfit that, quite frankly, would frighten Nancy Spungen. Or even her present-day alter ego, Courtney Love. It's all black zipper boots and red fishnets and black kilt mini and dog collar choker and excessive ear and nose jewelry...in short? It's a fiesta del failure, people. And there's not a single '78 punker who would disagree with me.
So, Wendy O. Williams's cuter little sister stomps through the Nice airport to the kickin' strains of "Hella Good" by No Doubt. Schatz is making his way to the security gate, and Syd O. Williams just kind of shoves her way past with a very bad, "How ya doin'?" impersonation of a New Yorker or something. Not really sure what she's going for here, actually. How many New Yorkers do YOU know who would dress like that? Anyway, she dumps her bag on the belt and hip checks her way through security, setting off the alarm. She's all, wasn't me! And I'd like a meatball samwitch so, like, faggheddaboutit! The French guard is all, uh, yeah, go back through the gate TO THE SEVENTIES and remove all your jewelry. She goes back through the gate all, damn machine does this every time an' shit! Then she removes all her completely stupid throwback jewelry, bitching about it the entire time. Schatz and his companions are all, "Stupid American." They are. You just know they are. And you know what? They're right. Because if some fucking American showed up in front of ME at a security gate dressed like THAT, I'd be all "Stupid American" as well. A dog collar? The FUCK?
So, she removes her shit, and just so we're all aware that there's a grand plan behind the Stupid American shtick, we're treated to a shot of Dixon standing nearby, holding up his contribution can. There's a big red button on the bottom that his finger is just itching to push. Syd removes her last piece of useless punk-inspired ear jewelry and walks through the gate as Dix simultaneously pushes the red button, setting off the alarm. She's all, "Oh. My. Gawd." Are they SERIOUS with this shit? They couldn't make her English or something? Oh, wait, of course she had to be American. Because someone from another country, ANY other country, would A) not be caught dead in that outfit and B) not be such an obnoxious twit. The obnoxious twit part is designed to hold shit up, see? And only an American is obnoxious enough to do THAT. Right? RIGHT?
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