Episode Report Card Erin: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Get it on. Bang a Vaughn. Get it on.
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.11.2003
Meanwhile, over in the French Oops Center, Agent Sean's making his happy-go-lucky I-cheated-death way over to Vaughn with a couple cups of coffee. He's all, you sure you don't wanna talk about this? Vaughn's all, okay, I didn't want to talk about it back at Oops Center, I didn't want to talk about it on the Oops Plane, and I sure as FUCK don't wanna talk about it at the French Oops Center. Agent Sean -- who, after cheating death, isn't having any of this "I don't wanna talk about it" bullshit -- keeps on. "I share my fights with you!" says Sean, handing Vaughn his coffee and Kahlua. Vaughn's all, uh, no you don't. Agent Sean's all, yeah-huh! Remember when Alan pissed in the living room? Vaughn's all, dude? THAT WAS YOUR DOG. Sean's all, yeah, but I was angry about it and I TALKED to you about how angry I was! Vaughn's all, give it a rest, funny man. "All right," says Agent Sean, "here's a thought: Tell her how you feel." Vaughn looks at him all, dude? Guys don't talk about this shit, okay? And guys on ASSIGNMENT IN NICE especially don't talk about this shit. Sean's all, I know, I know. I was all about not crossing the line and shit. But that was before I ALMOST DIED. Did you guys know that Agent Sean almost died? Oh, and this just in. AGENT SEAN ALMOST DIED. In case you weren't aware, Agent Sean almost died. Did you know that? Anyway, he blabbles something about there not being a white light and that it's all just darkness. DARKNESS I tell you. Vaughn considers the darkness, and you can totally tell that he's SO taking it to heart. "I understand," he says, earmarking the furrow on the left side for Agent Sean and his newfound sense of death-defying romance. Just then, Dix comes over the waves and tells Syd that it's gametime. Schatz, the mark, has arrived, so it's time for Vaughn and Sean to table their emotions-in-motion discussion.
Back in the airport, we get a glimpse of Syd reading a trashy mag and quickly move to Dix, pushing his yellow-tinted sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. Turns out, they're NOT a bad costume department move (unlike Syd's pathetic Tang-flavored shades) and happen to be equipped with a device that can tell exactly where the gyroscope is hidden on Schatz's body. Hee. "Schatz" is just inherently funny. "Gyroscope is in a shoulder harness," says Dix. "Under his left pec. You can use the Artful Dodger." "Right," says a smirking Syd, slamming the magazine down and then twisting the ring on her first finger.
As she does so, we slam back to the conversation with Inspector Dingus wherein he describes the ring. Turns out the ring basically cuts through anything after you turn it a few times. Dingus demonstrates by turning it, gesturing with his hands, and then cutting off his own tie. "Damn it," he pouts. "I liked this tie." Yeah. Outtakes. I'm not kidding, J.J. So, back at the Nice airport, Syd completes the Artful Dodger turnaround and sets off.
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