Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bo Bice Is The New Clay Aiken, Part I
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.16.2006
Brett "Ace" Young (24, L.A.) is the spitting image of one Scott Petersen. He was raised in Boulder, and music is his life, and he is a good-looking kid. He sings some boring Westlife song and is immensely breathy and annoying and he has one million teeth. He's much better looking when he's not singing. Singing, he's annoying. Randy believes that he is a "really, really good singer," and "one of the best in the auditions so far." Randy makes reference to the difficulty of keeping a controlled connection between "chest voice" and "falsetto." Now, either Randy literally has no idea what he is talking about, or we didn't see that happen in the audition. I'm willing to concede that the latter is the case. I like Randy, and I generally agree with much of what he says, and it's rare that he speaks this specifically, but I don't think he's trying to impress us or anything. Simon tells Ace that it is more about his personality than his voice, and I agree, and Paula says "as a woman," something something something, it's pointless and is not related to her as a woman so much as it is to her as a horndog. Simon gives him a yes, but with a "very very very small 'y.'" Ace gets through, everybody claps, his arms are a foot around.
Rochelle Elaine Dye (25, Kansas City KS) has one hundred family members, all wearing t-shirts about how great she is. She tells a long story including not one but several evictions, some family members, depression, and a loss of all hope. Luckily, even on the verge of getting her cousin evicted, she and one hundred family members managed to scrape together not only airfare but money for matching t-shirts. That's the spirit of a winner right there. She sings "Chain Of Fools" and has a very pretty voice, gives a good performance -- even wearing a denim shrug -- and you can hear the nerves, but she's good enough that you can ignore them too. Randy claps along with her and Paula wiggles around. (To be fair, it doesn't seem related to the song itself, but she's clearly excited.) Simon says she's "great, great" and he can't "fault that voice" and that he liked it a lot. Randy says it's the best they've heard so far this season, and Simon agrees. She gets a 100% yes, and Ryan and the family go crazy, and then Ryan is physically knocked over by one hundred thrilled family members full of love and excitement.
Trollish rocker, trollish rocker, hottie with a beard, hungry tattoos, totally trollish rocker, The Bravery hair, hot surfer, creepy mullet, Yeah Yeah Yeahs wannabe in not-conceptually ugly clothes, nasty rocker, blonde frat guy, incomprehensible cheering, gross hair, gross hair, very cute guy with purple hair ("Bored by me? I'm bored by you!"), troll guy who gets through, scary vampire guy singing that trashy song about "love lies bleeding in my hands," awesome hipster screaming weirdly and shaking his head around all about chickens, skinny creepy suicide girl, not-so-skinny corseted suicide girl, gross dyed red hair with lots of bracelets, Elvira's niece somehow again, Cousin It pushing 40, a woman with a tattoo on her face.
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