Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Little Funny
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 25 | Aired on 08.30.2004
When he comes back out into the library, he's back in the tux, saying he can't do it. Eli and Klitz ask him why, just as the library door opens. This time, it's just Spawn, who didn't bust him naked with another porn star. Looks like Matt made the right call. He's ready to abandon the project, but Klitz steps up, even though Matt says he doesn't have to. They ask Klitz why. You know why? Klitz will tell you why: "'Cause we're a fucking tripod."
Klitz waits in that robe which has gotten a lot of use this evening, sitting next to April, who turns to him and tells him he's cute. That's just what he needed. In the words of Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood, let's shoot this fucker. Eli calls action.
The gang leaves the prom. That "tight security" mentioned at the assembly managed to not catch them at anything. In the limo, they pop open a bottle of champagne, which sprays all over everything. I'm sure the driver will love that. The limo drops off Klitz and Eli with their dates. Are they staying at the boys' houses? Won't that make for some awkward breakfast table conversation with the parents? Alone at last, Matthew and Spawn settle back in the limo and she asks him -- again -- what's the craziest thing he's done lately. His answer is to start sucking on the bottom of her face. There is macking. She gets up on his lap facing him, and they stare at each other and make really weird faces while she bounces up and down slowly. I don't know what that's about. I guess we're supposed to think they're both coming of age. While helping the limo driver put the spilled champagne into perspective.
Matt walks up to his house as his cell phone rings. It's Eli, with the news that he can't find "the tape." They only shot one tape, with all those cameras? Oookay. Anyway, Eli is freaking right out over the realization that somebody stole the tape. Matthew enters his house, and his parents are sitting at the kitchen table, wanting to talk to him. So is the school principal. And so is Guido 2.0. He's wearing a suit and has sort of combed his hair, although the stubble remains. Hmm. This could be interesting. It won't, but it could be. The MattRents introduce Guido 2.0 as "Mr. Simon." Geddit? He's not Garfunkel no more. Of course, Guido 2.0 is holding an unlabeled videotape. MattDad invites Matt to join them at the table because "Mr. Simon has something very important to discuss with us." I wonder what he told them. Seriously, I really wonder that. Guido 2.0 would like to talk with Matt alone first, and the MattRents and the principal leave the room. "So how was prom?" Guido 2.0 asks. Matt just says of the tape, "That's mine." Guido 2.0 says he wasn't pissed any more until Matt stole his idea. We know how much he hates that. Guido 2.0 dares Matt to take the tape away, asking again, "What are you gonna do?" This is Matt's cue to reveal that Hugo's his partner. Guido 2.0 says that's fine; he'll just take Matt's half of the proceeds. Matthew refuses. He's got Samnang to think about, after all. Guido threatens to show his parents and principal the tape. Matt tells him to go ahead. Guido reminds Matt that calling somebody's bluff is only a good idea if the other person is actually bluffing, but Matt says he just doesn't care any more. Guido 2.0 puts on his best Eddie Haskell demeanor and calls the folks back into the living room. They take up positions around the TV and Guido 2.0 says, "Matthew, is there anything you want to say before we watch this?" Matthew just stands there and looks worried, so Guido 2.0 pops in the tape.
April and Ferrari appear on screen in front of a chalkboard, looking like they just stepped off the set of the "Hot for Teacher" video. They give a little introduction straight from the 1974 sex-ed video, intercut with footage from last night's prom, and Ferrari mentions that she lost her virginity at the senior prom. "When did you lose your virginity, April?" "Um, when I was ten." "Moving on…" April and Ferrari continue talking to the camera, and now we can see Jocks #1 and #2 just standing there in their tuxes. Guido 2.0 is all, "What the fuck is this shit?" On the screen, April and Ferrari continue, "You're not going to see sex. You're going to see sex education." They rip open their clothes to reveal the lingerie underneath. Titles appear on the screen: "The Eli Experience presents" and then "Adult Education: Sex Education in the 21st Century." Yes, Matt's genius plan was a sex-ed video with porn stars. MattMom says, "This is interesting, Matthew." She gives MattDad a significant look and he agrees volubly, trying to win over the principal. The principal thinks it's "atrocious," but maybe it's the only way to reach these kids today. You know how they are, with their hair and their clothes. The principal tells Matthew he just might have something. What he has is "Baba O'Riley" winding up on the soundtrack. MattMom tells Guido 2.0, "This could really sell, don't you think?" Guido 2.0 smiles as if he's just swallowed something bad. We still don't know who the MattRents think he is. MattDad asks Matthew how he came up with the idea. Matt's explanation: "It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it." He says this while smirking at Guido 2.0, who smiles back at him as if Matthew just showed him a roll of Mentos.
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