Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Little Funny
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 25 | Aired on 08.30.2004
At 6:30 the next morning, Matt's back in his bedroom, sitting at his desk and trying to make his eyes focus on the cards that contain his crap speech. There's a knock on the door. It's Spawn! She's back! She waves her car keys. "Need a ride to school?" she asks. Oh, my God, that is so fucking hot.
Outside the school, Spawn wants to know why Matt believes in her so much. Because you're pretty, Spawn. End of list. Matt says, "I don't know. Because I'm stupid?" That's a good theory too. I think I like that one better. The bell rings and they say their goodbyes. Matt takes off, then turns back to ask her something: "Will you go to prom with me?" Spawn, visibly moved, accepts. Whatever. Who else was he going to ask?
Matt studies his well-worn index cards in math class. Eli looks over and asks, "Is that your speech?" Matt says it is. Eli shows more class than he has this entire time by not telling Matt how bad his speech sucks. Tonight's the big night, so it's not like there's anything Matt can do about it now anyway. Eli and Klitz try to buck him up while he gets intimidated by the sight of the typed index cards in the hands of a kid a few desks ahead of him. It's the Head Math Club Madman, incidentally. Matt looks at the clock, and then out the narrow window of the classroom door, where a deeply pissed-off Guido 2.0 is glaring in at him. Uh-oh. Guido 2.0 charges into the room and makes straight for Matt as the other students Flintstone-car their desks out of his way to clear a path. "That fucking bitch can't just run away 'cause she don't want to fuck on film any more," he bellows. The teacher tries to intervene, but Guido 2.0 silences him with a finger-snap, a point, and a glare. He drags Matt out of the classroom, turning back at the last second to point a pair of warning fingers at the class and utter this chilling dictum: "Stay in school." Hee!
Outside, Matt explains about how he needs to be home by six. Guido 2.0 doesn't seem too impressed. They get to his car, Guido 2.0 barely pausing long enough to throw Jocks #1 through 3 off his hood before he and Matt are on their way. On the road, Guido 2.0 is all wounded: "I try to be your friend and what do you do? You fuck me." "I didn't fuck you," Matt protests. Well, no, this is only the unrated, "too hot for theaters" DVD cut of an R-rated movie. Guido 2.0 clarifies that Spawn didn't show up on set because of what Matt said to her, and now he's out thirty grand. Wow, porn films are cheap. "Guess who's paying me back?" he says. Matt doesn't have that kind of money, and neither do his parents. Hey, do you suppose the Operation Get Samnang fund is going to come up? Matt urges Guido 2.0 to "think outside of the box." Matthew, in a situation like this, it's generally wise to make the other person less inclined to kill you. He yammers on about a "payment plan," and Guido 2.0 drives onto an abandoned gravel road and kills the engine.
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