Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Little Funny
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 25 | Aired on 08.30.2004
Cue the boobies! Guido 2.0 has brought their little party to a strip club. No explanation of how Matthew was allowed in. As they make their way to a table, Spawn looks at him, concerned for his youthful innocence. He makes a "no big deal" face entirely for her benefit. They get to a table, and Spawn mentions to Guido 2.0 that Matt wants to be President. Can't wait for those debates. Guido 2.0 bonds with Matt all avuncular-like as we learn that he is Spawn's movie producer and ex-boyfriend. To nobody's surprise but Matt's. Guido 2.0 excuses himself to go scout talent. Matthew wants to talk to Spawn, but he isn't sure this is the place. "What's wrong with it?" she snaps, on the defensive. I guess she's still touchy about his attitudes toward sex-industry workers. She'll have to get over that if she wants to hang around. Guido 2.0 returns to the table and he and Matt bond some more, this time over cigars. Spawn, unimpressed, vanishes to the john. Guido 2.0 makes a few trenchant observations about Matthew's feelings for Spawn, remarking that he thinks Matthew might be more interested in someone his own age -- experience-wise. Matt's not sure what to say to that. Guido 2.0 assures him, "Don't worry. I'm-a take care of you." Guido 2.0 is totally cracking my shit up. Matthew manages to contain his glee. Just then, he spots his parents' friend, Mr. Peterson, across the bar. Unwisely, he points him out to Guido 2.0, who hollers out, "Hey! Peterson!" Matt turns away to hide his face. Timothy Olyphant is awesome in this. "Haven't seen your black ass in ages," he says to the middle-aged white guy. Peterson is confused until Guido 2.0 nudges Matthew sitting next to him. I think Peterson is, if possible, more embarrassed than Matthew now. Guido 2.0 suggests, "This is Mattie's first time. Why don't you buy him a dance?"
Cut to the most awkward moment in a movie made up almost entirely of awkward moments, as Matthew sits next to Peterson while both of them contend with writhing lapfuls of g-string-clad strippers. "What's that scholarship for again?" Peterson asks as his stripper makes several heroic attempts to put his eye out with her nipples. As Matthew's stripper grinds her ass against his groin, he answers -- wait for it -- "Moral fiber." Hardy har hard-on.
The next day in class, most of the students are sleeping through a circa-1974 sex-ed film. Klitz wants to know the story with Guido 2.0, but Eli is more interested in hearing about the strippers. I don't know how movie and TV characters are always getting away with whispering in class. Anyway, they turn their attention to bitching about the sex-ed film that was made before they were born. Eli claims he could make a better sex-ed film with his mom, and I don't believe that's a place any of us wants to go. Matthew in turn wonders why they don't update it. On the screen, the announcer talks about prom putting added pressure on teens to lose their virginity. Even back when they were still playing "Under Pressure" at proms. We see a young father turning down an invitation to hang with the guys due to having a baby. "Because of prom," he spits at the camera. Heh.
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