Episode Report Card M. Giant: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT It's a Little Funny
By M. Giant | Season 3 | Episode 25 | Aired on 08.30.2004
Matthew runs down the street in the dark and ends up in front of his house, imagining trying to start this conversation with his parents. Wait till his dad finds out he sunk the Porsche in Lake Michigan. Oops, wrong movie. But not by much, since the scene when a distraught Matthew appears at Spawn's doorway is a perfect match for the same scene at the same point in Risky Business, right down to the comforting hug.
Later, Spawn and Matthew have apparently come up with a plan, but we don't know what it is yet. He's reluctant to involve her, but she wants to do it. When he asks why, she just answers, "Moral fiber." Yeah, the great thing about moral fiber is that it flushes you out real good. Which must be why I keep having to run to the bathroom during this recap.
Later still, in Matt's bedroom, Eli says, "I'm in. Fuck film school. This is going to be my calling card." I'm starting to have an idea of what this plan might involve. But Klitz just says no. Eli leans on him with a speech about how the three of them are "a fucking tripod." I used to introduce myself to people that way, but Eli's got a different point: you kick one of them out, and the whole thing falls. Okay, that makes sense too. In any case, Klitz is in.
Spawn and Matthew meet Spawn's two costars from Vegas at the airport. How they got to the gate after 9/11, I don't know, but there they are. The other two porn stars are way too excited about the whole concept of baggage claim. I thought they were supposed to be all jaded and cynical? Whatever. I just think it's ever so nice of Matthew to enlist the help of Spawn's friends who aren't "better than this." Whatta guy.
Spawn and Matthew ring Hugo's doorbell, and he does us all a favor by putting on a robe before answering the door. The parrot's on his shoulder. Matt hands over the golden schlong, looking like he's going to miss it. Hugo inspects it critically, then invites them in. Cut to them shaking hands in Hugo's living room, having just agreed on something we weren't there to see. Whatever it is, if Matt pulls it off, Hugo will take care of "Little Samsung." That just keeps getting funnier.
The tux-wearing tripod arrives at Spawn's house, trailed by camcorder-wielding minions. Matt rings the doorbell, and Spawn answers in a perfectly nice red dress and a hairdo that unfortunately makes her head look kind of rectangular. Everyone is duly impressed. Spawn's co-porn-stars appear, looking all glittery in their gowns. Matthew introduces Eli and Klitz to their dates, April and Ferrari. It looks like someone stole the middle out of Ferrari's dress. Ferrari says, "Your name is Klitz?" as if she's thinking, "Why have I not heard of you?" "With a K," Klitz clarifies.
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