Episode Report Card Erin: F | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Did I mention the ass?
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.14.2004
Syd wants to know if they've discovered an entry to the chalet. Uh, that would be the DOOR, Syd. Or have you spent so long on this show that you've forgotten how to use doors and only swoop into rooms from above, trailing a parachute and a whiff of Coco by Chanel? Of course, just sauntering up to the chalet and ringing the doorbell is not an option in this case. Why? Marshall tells us, but I don't care enough to write it down. Suffice it to say that entering via the ground won't work, parachuting in won't work, and there's this little thing called a "lethal response system" that'll kill anyone who trips the alarm. Well, that's just incredibly inconvenient, wouldn't you say?
It would appear that this highly evolved security system is the work of one Toni Cummings, a.k.a. "Vivica A. Fox." Toni did time in a UK prison for breaking and entering, and has now turned her talents to designing security systems instead of hacking into them. She's famous for this "lethal response" thing. What it actually is, we don't know. I, personally, don't care. Syd, however, would like to know where this Toni person is. Agent Sean says he's trying to track her down. Yes, he says this with more aplomb and humor, but I'm already on page three of this recap, and I promised myself it'd be no longer than thirteen pages. I hated this episode THAT much.
Dix pipes up that, once Toni's located, Syd and Vaughn will meet up with her and pose as clients to obtain specs on the system. Syd and Vaughn share a look that's all, oh, dude, but we just kissed back in Korea! We can't, like, go on a mission together! This look, of course, makes no goddamn sense, seeing as Syd and Vaughn just came BACK from a mission together and didn't seem to be having any problem with each other. But more on this as the crapisode continues. Jack states that he'll go make a totally useless visit to Sloane, pretending to find out if there's been any fallout within the Covenant from Griff's defection, when really he's just going there so Sloane can yammer at him about the whole Katya-asked-you-to-kill-me-and-all-I-got-was-this-lousy-Rambaldi-life-juice situation.
Everyone gets up to leave. Vaughn and Syd share another stupid look. Jack sees the look and delivers a stupid look of his own, but his has more anger behind it, as well as a solid pursed lip tossed in for good measure. We shoot off to Zurich, where Sloane is bitching out some random person on his headset about a malaria vaccination. Jack enters, bringing a whole new sense of style to a black duster coat. Sloane's all, yo, homie, whatchew doin' here? Jack's all, uh, that Griff defection, right? How'd that go over in the Covenant? Sloane's all, uh, dude? Is that really why you came to see me?