Episode Report Card Erin: F | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Did I mention the ass?
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.14.2004
Sark gets out of the car and comes over to help Lauren move the body out of sight. "You know," he says, with a trace of his own hot and botheredness, "you're unbelievably good." Oh, please. She just made out with a guy and then stabbed him. Hell, even I could do that. And Sark's said the same damn thing to Sydney before, for very similar reasons. However, when he said it to Syd, I didn't have a squicky feeling in the pit of my stomach as I do now. Lauren's gross. I can't help it, she's just gross. And since when is it SEXY to practically DO some old dude in a garage and then STAB HIM WITH A PARING KNIFE? Good god, Sark. Get some taste. And some therapy. I beg you.
Lauren removes Dead Buchanan's Super-Secret Covenant Caper Watch With The Hidden Spy Key and orders Sark to get a move on because their flight for Paris leaves in an hour. Sark just drools after her like a puppy with a penchant for sadomasochistic women. Then we're in Athens. Syd and Weiss are on assignment. I'd just like to preempt this scene with a little message from me: This scene is pointless, unnecessary, and a total waste of my time. That is all. What happens? Well, wouldn't you like to know? No, really, wouldn't you like to know? You wouldn't? Oh. Okay. Well, then, I guess I could just move on to the next scene. Provided the next scene sucked less and had more purpose. Oops. Looks like I'm out of luck. Sorry!
Okay. Fine. I'm kidding. Syd and Weiss show up and want to talk to Toni. Borrowing the OmniAccent from the Bride of Wimpenstein, they try to gain access to Toni's inner sanctum. With a nod from Toni, they enter. Syd tries to shake Toni's hand, but she prefers not to. See? This is what I mean about this scene being pointless. What does that even mean? Why won't she shake hands? Is it important? Is it a clue? Is it a reference to Kill Bill or something? If it has no significance, then why is it even INCLUDED IN THE SCENE? I have no idea, and we never find out. With the exception of some weird looks from both Syd and Weiss, the odd no-shaking-the-hands thing is never mentioned again. Then Syd and Weiss chatter on about their diamond mines and the second weird-thing-that's-never-explained happens when Syd mentions something about God not wanting precious diamonds to molder away underground. Vivica makes this stinky face and chitters that she'd appreciate it if Syd would just leave God out of it, thank you very much. Why? Is she the reincarnation of Jesus, and talking about God makes her nervous? Is she an agnostic? Is she Satan? Like, WHAT?
What's the gist of this scene? Well, Syd and Weiss try to get Toni to talk about her lethal response system, she doesn't take the bait, they drop a bag of diamonds on the table, and suddenly, Toni's veddy interested in chatting with them. She takes them off into another room, and they tell her they want to hook up a lethal response system just like the one she did for the Chamonix chalet. Toni's all, and how do you know about that? Syd's all, the owner was a client. For some reason, this statement brings out the braggart in Toni and she just smirks, saying she outdid herself on that job. But those diamonds? They're not even gonna cover the down payment on this job. Syd's all, oh, really? Well, then, I have a counter offer. And it comes in the form of my CIA badge and a little thing we like to call "full disclosure." Basically, they want Toni to give up the goods on the Chamonix job, and in exchange they'll make sure she gets a pillow and a blanket when she's in prison. Toni states that there's no bypassing the lethal response system. And that's it. That's the last time we see Vivica A. Fox. That entire scene took about three minutes, and all we learned is that the lethal response system can't be bypassed. And for THAT they needed Vivica A. Fox? Jesus. They could have done that with a baddie right out of central casting and gotten the same bloody results!