Episode Report Card Erin: F | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Did I mention the ass?
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.14.2004
We head on over to Marshall and Carrie and their Office of Eternal Geekitude. Just in case we missed that last statement of Vivica's, Marshall restates that the chalet is virtually impenetrable. Dix declares that they have to find a way in, like, now. Marshall's all, did I mention the "virtually impenetrable"? He goes on to blither and blather about the tunnel where the lethal response system is, and how there are three distinct zones: Zone One has the automated sentry guns, Zone Two has an electrified area, and Zone Three has the super-duper addition of motion-detection acid sprays. Did you get all that? It's hard to get through, is what they're saying. But get through they will, and with the help of some inflatable Kevlar. Does that even exist? Know what? I don't know. And yes, you guessed it: I DON'T CARE. All the Kevlar balls will do is get the automated sentry guns to shoot all their bullets, thereby rendering Zone One bullet-free. Zone Two? Well, the handy neoprene armor that Syd and Vaughn will be wearing will easily protect them from the electricity. And finally, for Zone Three? Well, I'd love to tell you about that solution, but at the moment, we have to deal with a Comedy Hijinks Moment involving Carrie and the kicking baby and Marshall and it's really all just SO FUCKING FUNNY. In fact, it's SO FUCKING FUNNY that Carrie and Marshall haven't figured out a solution to the acid sprays yet, but everyone's laughing SO FUCKING HARD at the baby antics that no one's even noticed!
And now for the "What the Fuck?" portion of the crapisode. We see some hands flick a lighter. The same hands pick up a spoon filled with viscous neon green liquid and hold it over the flame. Then a needle is dropped into the center of a piece of cotton and all the green liquid is pulled up into a syringe. The camera pulls back, and we see an empty black box, an ampoule filled with the green liquid, and a weathered box in the background that greatly resembles the box that Grasshoppah gave Sloane back in Season 2. In fact, it's Sloane who's been prepping the needle, and now he's prepping his arm for an injection. He injects the green liquid into his arm, and instead of suddenly turning green himself and growing arms the size of Buicks and rampaging around Switzerland in search of his Bad Dad, Sloane just kind of sits there and looks off into the distance.
Elsewhere, at Jack's desk, a cell phone rings. Jack picks up. It's Sloane on the other end. He thinks seeing Dr. Nancy is a good idea. Of course it is, Arvin. Especially since you've now developed a hankering for shoving Gatorade byproducts into your veins. Sloane hangs up on Jack and reclines, enjoying the feeling of wheatgrass juice pulsing through his body. In about fifteen minutes, he's going to have more energy than a four-year-old! And if he keeps up these treatments, his face will be smoother than a baby's ass and he'll live to be five hundred and fifty-two!