Episode Report Card Erin: F | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Did I mention the ass?
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.14.2004
Anyway, Syd's all, why the disguises? Why can't we just go in there, say we're CIA, and ask her some questions? Why, that's a very good question, Syd. But I'm thinking the answer to it is, "Because if you did that, then there would be no reason for you to dress up in a funny wig, sport a crap accent, and go on yet another awkward assignment with your former boyfriend. And what fun would that be?" Jack just mumbles something about how they're not sure yet whether or not Toni designed the chalet system. Syd immediately understands and blah blahs something about how they need to confirm that Toni designed the Chamonix system and THEN get the details on it. Jack says something about how he assumes Vaughn's going with her on the trip. Good assumption, Jack. Seeing as Dixon SAID that Syd and Vaughn were going on the mission together right in the middle of the Conference Room of Endless Expositions. What, were you too busy glowering at Vaughn to pay attention? Oh, whatever. This scene is dragging on my last nerve.
Jack tells her that she can ask Dix to send someone else other than Vaughn on the mission with her. Then they just stare at each other for a minute. Jack breaks the silence by shoving a piece of broccoli in his mouth and crunching away. Sure enough, the very next day, Syd chats up Dix about getting Weiss to go with her on the mission instead of Vaughn. She manufactures some lame reason about Weiss having cultivated South African contacts or something, and therefore he's the wiser choice. Dix smells a rat, but goes ahead and tells her that he'll call Weiss in. He walks off, and Syd looks off into the distance in search of a reason why she shouldn't just throw on a poodle skirt and sweater set and head down to the beach to watch Fonzie save the day with his stunning jump over a pool of sharks. By the narrowing of her eyes, I'm under the impression that a good reason? She is not forthcoming.
Berlin. Sing it with me, "I'm a man. I'm a goddess. I'm a man. Well, I'm a virgin. I'm a man. I'm a blue movie. I'm a man. I'm a bitch. I'm a man. I'm a geisha. I'm a man. I'm a little girl. And we make love together." Yeah. Nothing like a little blast from your eighties past to take your mind off the rest of the crapisode. We're in a parking garage in Berlin and Ian Buchanan, he of General Hospital fame, is walking through, bitching at someone on his cell phone, as his henchmen tag along. Sark's hanging out in his shiny car, watching. He gets on his cell and tells Lauren that she's on. We next see her sauntering out to the garage toward Buchanan. No, I don't know his character's name. And I'll let you in on a little secret: I DON'T CARE. Lauren and Buchanan yammer back and forth at each other, and it appears that they know each other in the biblical sense. Buchanan quickly dismisses his henchmen, and he and Lauren go around a corner, where Lauren blathers on about needing him because she feels vulnerable. All this leads to them making out rather furiously, with Lauren looking completely hot and bothered during it. Then, as Sark watches, Lauren surreptitiously pulls out a paring knife and stabs Buchanan in the side. She appears to have enjoyed the stabbing even more than the making out.