Episode Report Card Erin: F | 1 USERS: C- YOU GRADE IT Did I mention the ass?
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.14.2004
Shovelhead's all, why'd you cut your hair, dude? Sark's all, oh, for the LAST TIME, it wasn't a matter of choice, okay? I was in custody! As I thought YOU were! When were you released? Shovelhead's all, oh, dude, that is SO another story. That I'm not going to tell you. Because we only have five minutes left to this episode, and nobody gives a shit anyway. Shovelhead hands Sark a glass. "To your hair," he snerks. Heh. Man. You know it's some sad shit when Quentin Tarantino guest-starring on your show is a HIGHLIGHT.
They partake of the bubbly; then QT informs Sark that he'll be the highest level Covenant official that Sark will be dealing with. Anything he wants to say to The Man, he can say to QT. "I assume you have something to say," says QT. Sark's here to make an offer. QT's all, hey, now. That offer wouldn't have anything to do with the six cell leaders you wiped out, now would it? Sark looks confused. And scared. And neither of those are good looks for our little Sarkie.
QT's all, yeah, should we talk about how you murdered my guys? Or what? Sark's all, uh, yeah, about that. I assume you know I was just acting in the Covenant's best interests, right? I love you guys! QT just walks over. "Julian," he says, getting rid of his bubbly, "don't do that. I can see right now that you're scared." Ugh. Sark scared of Shovelhead? God, I hate this show right this minute. Bring back Cool Sark! Bring him back now! QT says he has a present for Sark, and promptly drops one of the stolen cell leader watches onto the table. Sark looks like he's going to throw up champagne all over QT's nice suit. QT draws out his moment in the sun by slowly producing all six of the stolen watches and placing them on the table. "Did I just blow your mind?" asks QT. Oh, hee. Hee hee. Agh! AGH! Quentin Tarantino is the HIGH POINT OF THIS EPISODE! KILL ME! KILL MEEEEE!
QT walks off, and just then Lauren and her eyeliner slowly peel around the corner. Sark just glares at her. QT pipes up that, as soon as Sark delivered his Covenant coup pitch to Lauren, she gave QT a call. Truth is, QT was all for the plan from the get-go. Why? Because the CIA is after the Doleac Agenda. "Assume they get it," says QT. "They will have the names of all six cell leaders. You just made my life that much easier. Because now those names are irrelevant." Sark doesn't respond. Instead, he turns to Lauren and says, "A woman after my own heart." Oh, great. She goes traitor on his ass and he STILL finds her hot? GAAAAAHHHH!