Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 60 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Smartest Guy In The Room
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 01.28.2014
BREW
A cute waitress approaches, with Ezra's beer to go with his pie, and winks about not checking Spencer's ID. Spencer like barely registers this conversation, until...
Spencer: "Boysenberry pie. And beer. Fucking for real?"
Waitress: "Yeah, right?"
You can actually hear the sparks inside her head at this point, as reality and conjecture -- intricate patterns -- crash together, tectonic. Recombinant.
Alison: "So, what do you think of my fiction?"
Ezra: "You have a strong voice, but... I mean, it's only going to get more distinctive as you grow up."
Alison: "Excuse me? 'Grow up'?"
Ezra: "You know what I mean. Mature."
Alison: "So you don't think that I -- Alison DiLaurentis -- am mature enough?"
Ezra: "I didn't say that. I just think... All great literature boils down to two themes. Love and Death."
Alison: "Eros and Thanatos, I'm getting, from a man who eats boysenberry pie with beer."
Ezra: "It's delicious."
Alison: "I should write a story about you. Maybe about right now. Maybe call it The Hart & The Huntsman, and it'll begin, 'We're at a college bar, and it'll end with me writing a story that begins We're at a college bar...'"
The psychotic mind thrives on intricate patterns, girl. Stop doing drugs.
Of course, the next thing she sees -- Ezra's abandoned beer -- really blows what's left of her covered wagon: BOARD SHORTS ALE! OMG!
This has got to be in the top five episodes of this show, ever. It just keeps coming! The super scary part hasn't even happened yet and I was already twitching worse than Spencer after a solid week of bath salts.
THE SUPER SCARY PART
I don't know if I can do justice to how actually scary this was. I think it's the tension of the rest of the episode, plus the milieu: Empty school hallways, teacher workroom that is off-limits anyway, copier echoing through the place, no lights on. Ugh, I hated nothing more when I was small. If I had to be in the auditorium at any time other than with hundreds of other people, I would sprint and count my footsteps out loud.
So you got Emily, running copies of the spring play, "Spring Play" -- which is highly improper so I hope I'm wrong about what she's doing -- and then sounds everywhere, and Emily giving it about five fraught seconds before snatching her purse and grabbing her shit and getting the fuck on up out of there. Good girl.
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