Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 60 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Smartest Guy In The Room
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 01.28.2014
"I told you: Dead girls can't smile. Stop looking. - A"
Everybody stares around and it's horrible, and I'm horrible too, because all I want to scream even though all three of them have been whupped upside the head tonight by the feral hand of God -- and you know what it is, say it with me -- is...
ACT NORMAL, BITCH!
A-TAG
A shreds the schedules in what looks like quite a cozy home office -- nothing as nice as the Ravenswood Lair; actually I guess it would be the Stabbin' Cabin of Ezra's pretend uncle or whoever -- and then puts the shreds on a big circle of... Oh my God, is this going to be a birdcage? Holy hell, yes! So good.
Tippi: "Hey Boardshorts! Hey Boardshorts! [The phone number of a hidden room inside a sorority where Hanna once buried a gun for no reason]! Miss me?"
Tippi craps all over the shreds, and the camera pans up to a map of Cape May, with locations marked for Wilden's Yacht and a lighthouse -- right off Sunset Blvd. -- marked #1403 - A & C. About which your guess is good as mine, but I do have one question: Did Ezra and Wilden ever interact in front of us?
Actually the whole NAT Club/B-Team elders, come to think of it. Melissa, Wilden, CeCe, Garrett, that crew. Or at least CeCe and Darren were part of the yacht photo thing, and scared of A w/r/t it too, right? I just want to know what the hell Ezra Fitz and Darren Wilden would possibly have to talk about. Or maybe smooch about, who really knows.
NEXT WEEK
Emily goes back to Snaky Shana to beg Ali's forgiveness for the absolutely nothing she did wrong. Aria goes crazy but for Aria, who knows what that could possibly even mean. What, she's gonna start dressing idiosyncratically? Too late, buster. And Hanna's on the case with her thriller novels by her side, solving the case of the Quickly Vibrating Spencer -- who is, herself, chock full of a neutron bomb that nobody can know about until she's sure. Because, you know, inaction was always something Spencer was capable of, even back before she met Dr. Feelgood and his sweet bag o' dolls.
About which: Is there a way anybody can make out with Andrew at this point and it not be pretty much sexual assault on his part? It seems like a shame to waste ... all that ... but I don't know how he's getting out of this one. "This one," I realize, here as code for "being a hot guy on a show containing upwards of infinity hot guys who are all creeps, and therefore being a creep, and also you saw him on The Fosters, doing a bang-up job of being scarier than most of the guys on this show ever are. So ugh. No sense borrowing worry from a future that may never come. It's just as likely we'll never see him again, right? Remember Nigel, Teen Air Traffic Controller? Remember Samara, Teen Traveling Gypsy? Remember sweet little Holden? I do. I remember them all.
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