Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
D'Argo is now kicking DRD's in command, pissing Pilot off no end. "It felt good! Give me navigation! Now!" I think that I like roid D'Argo more than regular D'Argo. By like a thousand. Him I love anyway, but do some drugs and we'll talk. "Do as I say or I'll rip off all your arms!" he says, which is funny, for now, but will be fucking horrible in a few episodes, because welcome to this show: no funny we can't stab through your soul like a knife made of ice and awfulness. "Enough of this stupid voting! From now on, I'll make the decisions!" See, and I like that, because you can't...I have a real problem with people who apologize by saying "I was just drunk," you know? Blaming your behavior on chemicals over choice is the short road to addiction, not to mention being an asshole. So I like how the way D'Argo acts out while hopped up on the 'loids connects both to something small -- the voting on Moya, which is always going to for whatever's stupidest and most dangerous -- and something large -- his oppression and that of his people, which is a story we only ever see pieces of, except through D'Argo and his family.
Zhaan concocts the sleep mist as Aeryn handcuffs Kyr and acts very Bad Cop with him. Pilot complains on clamshell about D'Argo's threats, which seem really unbelievable for the moment. John tells him to stall, that there's a systems malfunction or something, but Pilot's like, "Tried it." He's interrupted by a transmission from the planet; Aeryn shoves Kyr at the clamshell to speak with Bekhesh. "We've got your king. You can buy him back," growls Bekhesh. This is why you never let Rygel talk. And why you never use him and his royalty as a pawn. But do they learn? They do not. The only person who walks out of this episode with any kind of insight into how worthless being a deposed Dominar actually is, is Rygel, and he can't even admit that anyway. Aeryn points out that they have Kyr, and implies she is going to kill him posthaste because they are stupid aliens with a stupid planet and she doesn't even like Rygel anyway and she loves fucking shit up, but John offers an even swap. Bekhesh isn't feeling it: "He's part of the price, but he's not worth a king." He demands some kind of made-up chemical compound that of course Moya doesn't have, in addition, and Aeryn nods sarcastically throughout the rest of the scene, hilariously. "Yeah, fucking right. We'll get right on that. Psych! I am going to shoot all of your asses in a second!" John's like, "For real?" and Bekhesh has clearly drunk the Rygel Kool-Aid: "Divided among six hundred billion affluent subjects, it's not so much." Aeryn flat-out tells him that's not happening, with a billion deluxe fingers in the air, and I'm about to kiss her right on the mouth when Pilot interrupts: "D'Argo's getting angrier. Do something!" John tells the Tavloids that it's not a good time, and they'll call him back. Can you imagine trying to get John Crichton to break up with you? It's less work to just stay with him. Bekhesh serves him a plateload of Faye Dunaway about how they'll call you, in a day, and then they will kill Rygel, and then totally hangs up on them. Steroids do nothing for your phone etiquette, man. And without that, you're just a jerk.
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