Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
The Tavloids fire on Zhaan and John cries out, jumping to push her out of the way. Meanwhile, one of them snags Rygel and puts him in a bag. Cool. Shortest episode ever, with the happiest ending. Later, dudes! But no, because Rygel's gotta bitch, and Aeryn's gotta shoot at Bekhesh, so we can see how they catch the little yellow bolts of war with their gauntlet weapons, which is admittedly kind of cool to see. D'Argo rushes the one that's got Rygel, who floats away, still wearing his kidnapping bag, "demanding" that somebody help him. Everybody's occupied with getting shot at, and Aeryn and D'Argo are of course totally on point, taking care of stuff, and Rygel's in the middle, floating around and getting knocked this way and that in his little Jazzy ("Someone put a stop to this!") before finally just knocking himself out by running directly into a wall. Kyr knocks D'Argo down and draws on him, all about to kill D, and John calls him "Butkis" and clonks him on the head. When he drops, the gauntlet releases and comes off. The Tavloids grab the bag of Rygel as everybody continues to shoot at everybody else. John calls to Pilot to shut the door, and Rygel -- this is interesting -- calls out to Aeryn for help. I like that. Meanwhile, D'Argo puts on Kyr's gauntlet, like an idiot, but can't get it to work in time to bring down Bekhesh and the other one, who exeunt with a quickness. This is the sound of D'Argo using technology: "Arrg! Arrg! [shake shake] How does it work?! Arrg! Arrrrrg! Junk! [smack] Juuunk!" As D'Argo heaves and acts all crazy and adrenal -- like, more than usual -- John tells Zhaan their "Supreme Eminence" has been "bagged." I don't understand the problem. Credits.
As John and Pilot argue John's obnoxious self-referring space terminology ("'Tractor beam'? What's that? ...You mean the docking web?"), Zhaan takes off Kyr's helmet. John tells Pilot to chase the Tavloids, and D'Argo tells Pilot to ignore John and get the hell out of there. "Rygel brought this on himself. I say we leave him there," growls D'Argo, and Zhaan tells him to let John finish, but he goes nuts some more, smacking a giant cargo bin so it goes flying, and informs everyone that they need to shut up and that they are leaving now. He and John both are somewhat surprised at D'Argo's new Hulk Smash powers, but not so intrigued that D'Argo can stop to think or do anything except yell and run around -- and you'd think that this episode was about learning about D'Argo and violence, but it's smarter than that. Aeryn stops him: "That is a very versatile and powerful weapon. We can work out how to use it." Aeryn and Zhaan check it out, and notice that it is -- disgustingly -- pumping shit into his arm, this golden liquid that I believe shrinks your nads. D'Argo's like, "What? It stuck some needles in my arm, so?" And John is like, "You must take that off immediately! Too scary!" D'Argo hisses and shakes off Zhaan's touch: "Let go of me! This ship needs a leader and none of you have what it takes! From now on I am in charge!" Whatever. He stomps off, and John, Aeryn, and Zhaan nod at each other, and attack. Love that! D'Argo knocks all three of their asses across the room in like one split second. Love that more! "Never! Lay your hands on me! Again!" John and Aeryn stare at each other, and Zhaan sends them after D'Argo, and cradles the young Tavloid on the floor.
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