Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
Afterwards, Jotheb asks -- not unkindly but not exactly with a passionate interest -- why Bekhesh would kill the little shit, and Bekhesh is like, "Nobody's going to pay for him." Jotheb, having bought the lie, is like, "The Consortium of Trow will!" He promises to "prove" Rygel's value -- which: I dare a motherfucker -- and Jotheb resuscitates Sparky with a tentacle. So close, yet so far away. Audible screams of disappointment. He'll live to fart another day! Yeah! "The fame of Dominar Rygel has spread even to my worlds," says Jotheb. I don't even know if he's bluffing or what, but I do know I hate him for what he has wrought. "If the ransom is not paid by his people, it will be paid by mine." Bekhesh is like, "He's still got a throat for trodding if you don't, bitch," and takes off as Rygel hacks and coughs his way back to life, still face-down in actual shit. Poor little guy. Poor little non-dead rubber fuckface Muppet. Aww.
Oh, before I forget, somebody called me out a while back for calling Francesca Buller "Ben Browder's wife" in a Doctor Who recap. I'll mention her by name in a non-this show recap first chance I get, but I do want to apologize. She's awesome, and not just for her portrayal of one of my favorite characters ever (Akhna, the Scarran Minister of Ass-Kicking, whom we'll be talking about like eighty recaps from now). I am the asshole, dick move, proceeding on. Aeryn wakes up in a clearing as John's tying his boots and telling her to lie still. Which is akin, especially at this point, to telling John to "not freak out and act bizarre." D'Argo and Aeryn continue to fight, on the perpendicular, about how he called her a coward and she called him a barbarian. Which is funny because it takes the fight into real time, not crazy talk, but also because: exactly. It's an argument about the thing in front of your face: attack it, and you're a barbarian because there's always something worse coming; avoid it, and you're being a coward. The entire point of having both of them on board and in the story: warrior v. soldier. Cannon fodder v. infantry. John tries to get them to blame the whole thing, which in fact has been a plot point in every single episode and will continue to be that forever, on the drugs. (The behavior, as I've said, of an addict. Which...let's talk in a few seasons.) They refuse to validate this spurious assertion, because they are both huge racists, and he points out -- after they join forces to simultaneously look down on him some more ("Tav-leks!") -- that this means that they are both fucking nuts. "Whatever. If the gauntlet brings out the real you, both of you? Think long and hard about therapy."
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