Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
John stands in a silly blue-sprayed jungle clearing. He's so very good at standing. Top marks in standing for John Crichton. Aeryn says she spotted a camp over the next ridge as they were landing, and he starts bitching about how he just wants to stay put. She starts listing reasons that he should go with her: "Land mines, fire snakes, razor grass..." He grabs his stuff, all pissy. "Night-vision snipers, Morlean death spiders... " She smiles as he follows. Her humor is more inclusive as she begins to understand the texture of her shipmates. Their personalities, how they work. Eventually, she'll actually let them in on the joke, and stop being so deadpan and just admit that she's fucking with them most of the time. Hopefully. In any case, she becomes more and more charming as she incorporates this, because it makes her bigger and it makes her more, and she actually has the best sense of humor on Moya, but it's a muscle she's never flexed before.
Rygel struggles in his Tavloid mud as Jotheb growls at him. "That dreadful noise is what?" (It is my dream to be Jotheb all the time: "This mayonnaise is what? The imperfection is yours!") Rygel admits that his stomach is grumbling, and Jotheb asks if he isn't hungry. Two prisoners, and we're taking a short break right now for this: one of whom is in pain without his steroids, and the other who's playing a game about his steroids. Both of which prove what a man -- and what a spam-email hugeness your parts are packing; and yes, there's a difference, boys -- you really are. Who are you without your 'loids/political clout? They're both lies. They're both beside the point. And yet, because this episode is about dick, we've got two liars swinging it. Is Kyr hungry? Fuck yeah, for something he doesn't know the name of, and can't fathom. Is Rygel hungry? Listen: "They fed you first? Ugh. I don't want any food, anyway. I want out. There must be a way. There's always a way." Rygel 1, Kyr 0. Jotheb's like, try to get out, get the Tavloids angry, not good. Rygel calls him out and starts pulling with a good 24 pounds behind it on the bars of his cage, promising that when the fictitious army arrives, it'll be Everybody v. Bekhesh so don't puss out. Then a guard brings food. Which Rygel responds to positively, and then mid-sentence gets really deep and really creeped out, because the bowl he's been served is a skull. Girl, you've seen me in some positions but let me tell you that you can fill in the fucking blanks on that bullshit. No way, sir. Jotheb tells him to chill ("That can be no one you knew") in a very capitalism-is-its-own-sentence way, and Rygel tells the skull-bowl to fuck off. Jotheb reaches for it and Rygel tells him, grossed the fuck out or not, he can't have any. Heh. Fucking Rygel.
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