Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
John follows D'Argo down the corridor, begging to him to slow down, listen, whatever, and D'Argo finally just shoots at him. He only misses because of John and Aeryn's ability to shove each other into small areas with their entire bodies. Which happens in every episode, but I can't think of an episode where it happens more than this one. It's literally like every scene, and sometimes they don't even bother to explain why. Somebody's gotta have somebody else up against a wall at all times in this episode, as long as their names are John or Aeryn. Every time you get the Body Shove, drink. And drunkenly make out with your hand, all, "Oooh, I love you so much...but I cannot!" She stands against John, like she's protecting him, and they stare at D'Argo, where John notes that D's not "good at listening." Aeryn, of course, is like, "Listen to this, bitch," and fires at him -- he catches the bolt -- and John's like, "Would you listen?" D'Argo fires back; John gives Aeryn the Body Shove right back in a way that makes no sense in terms of physics, but is awesome nonetheless. Drink. I was going to say they should just have a show where they do this back and forth for forty-five minutes against a variety of surfaces and in different directions, because it's exciting every time, like maybe in different outfits or something, but then I realized they already have that show and that it is called Farscape. And you LOVE it!
Zhaan gives Kyr smelling salts, and he sits up all in a mess, blinking and shaking. "Take it easy, child," she whispers, and he takes offense, because he doesn't know that's just her way of saying, "Hello, I'm better than you but hello nonetheless." She promises the still-disoriented Kyr that he won't be injured, and Aeryn enters, begging to differ. She grabs him and body-shoves him into the wall, but not in the sexy way. "That weapon of yours, how do we get it off?" Kyr laughs that one of them was dumb enough to put it on, and without his helmet he does look very young, and covered in scars and lumps and grossness. "You're too weak to handle it," he says, explaining that it's pumping "stimulant" into D'Argo. John says that their friend just tried to kill them, and Kyr is wicked pleased by that. Aeryn asks how they get it off, again, and Kyr says they can't, but John's like, "Duh, it came off when I knocked you out." Aeryn says the hated "makes sense" sci-fi bullshit phrase about that: "If you're left unconscious in battle, you don't want the enemy cutting your arm off to get your weapon." Gross. Outside the story because you know I hate that shit, but also inside the story! Gross! Peacekeepers are so gross! The Uncharted Territories are so gross! I realize that I am somewhat sheltered, given what I do all day, but I'm guessing that even if I went back downtown, I wouldn't have to worry about that shit. "It can be disarmed without having to be disarmed." Boo! Hiss! Shut up! John tries to think of ways they can knock D'Argo out, and since they're short on more retarded puns, Zhaan offers to formulate a "sleep mist."
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