Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Right Now I'm A Race Car
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.08.1999
Command. D'Argo, despite the fact that it's John and Aeryn down there, is confused by the explosions planetside, asking if the sensors are still working. Pilot's like, "God! Yes! Explosions! Duh!" And D'Argo shakes his head, because of course they are. He requests a transport. That should really make things better and not worse, right?
John heads uphill, Aeryn behind, demanding to know what happened with the rifle. "[It's] all over the place!" He's like, "Am I bleeding?" She asks him to confirm that he managed to blow it up, then realizes he "overloaded the pulse chamber." He politely asks her to drop it, and move on with him, and she's like, "It's all right. I'll take them all on!" Sleepy Juice Time is all the time with your ass! He shoves her up the path, still with the complaining and crazy Conan talk.
Bekhesh approaches Rygel and Jotheb, telling the latter his ransom will be there in two days and then he can go. Jotheb has big red eyes and a hunched back and he's green, but he doesn't have a face face. He's crappy-looking enough that you're kind of glad. Rygel whines and Jotheb tells him to hush, but too late: Bekhesh is like, "What about you?" Shit. Don't ask how Rygel's doin'. Rygel bitches that he's not being treated awesome and that his plateware is skulls and that he would like to see the manager, and Bekhesh takes the skull-bowl out of his cell, with apologies. Hell. Rygel and Jotheb compare dicks again about "oh, your subjects didn't come up with ransom?" and then Bekhesh comes back with "an extra helping" of...something, which he splashes all over the place, and tells him to shut up or else it'll be Rygel's skull "that serves as someone's bowl." Dude, I'd order those off 3 AM paid programming if you could assure me it was Rygel's actual fucking skull. A bargain at any price. "This soup is delicious! Shut up, Rygel! Yum!" I don't even like soup; I could work around it.
Story B. Kyr screams in his cell, nonsense really, crawling around all crazy; Zhaan comes in with a tiny glass and sets it on a coffee table. Kyr yells at her like a junkie and grabs her, digging in with a nail -- she watches, interested, as white fluid drains out of her punctured wrist. (SPOILER! Zhaan isn't a mammal! She's like this anyway!) After a sec she shoves him away and drops the white fluid into the glass, offering once more to help the kid. He protests and she tells him he's nicked either way, and then rubs some of the white blood on her lips. Tasty. "This should relieve the symptoms of withdrawal," she says, kissing him good and hard. She places her hands on his chest. "And this will remove the pain," she continues. She does the Shut Up Storm thing, but her eyes don't go white, just stare up. Kyr stops shaking and looks confused, because wouldn't you? All that pretentious talk and flashing her cooch, and then her solution is to first smear her gross white blood on her face, and then kiss you, and then do some kind of Vulcan mind-meld on you? I'd have questions. Number one being: "Exactly where do you get off?"
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