Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Flea Spare
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.29.2005
Bottom Three time. Nikko was "incredible," gave "pride" to one judge and "fresh air" to another. He's safe. Good. Constantine gave his "best [male] vocal, by a mile" and "sang like a classic pop star" and was "better than Bo." He's safe, which, based on not looking at the screen and ignoring our history together, I can see being a good. Carrie gave the "best performance," was "natural" (hah!), and "had the It Factor." She's safe, which is also fine by me. I'm okay with all of this.
Bo is automatically safe, of course. He was "back" and rocking again, did "an awesome job," or was a "wedding singer." ("Maybe [Simon's] soon, huh?" giggles Ryan weirdly, and even Bo is like, "Leave me out of it.") We cut away to the first crowd shot on this one, to show how happy we are that he's safe. Nadia was a "really great performer," "miles better than last week," but may have "left the audience cold" with her lesbian singing. She's in the bottom three again. Simon looks mean at this, and his mouth goes, "Whaa?" Mine too.
Jessica sang a boring song that "didn't showcase her talent," and was "not likeable," and is in the bottom three. Simon's upset by this as well, and so is her gross family. Scott and Fake Jesus and I don't even know what Ryan is saying because I'm hating Scott so vigorously, and then he's safe, and then there's Fake Jesus all up out the joint and raising the fucking roof. Hate. Anwar was either "inconsistent" or "great," Vonzell was "sharp in spots but the bomb," "out-sang the other girls," and totally "pulled it off." Anthony looks really, really nice tonight, is "growing up," winks at the camera, "did a great job," or sucked completely. Ryan points out how we had to wait on these three last week too, like it's their fault.
Anna calls me to joke about how Anthony is just bopping around in his little seat like he's not clearly going up out of those three, and how he's just so worried about Vonzell or something. Then the joke's on us because A-Fed's safe, and Anwar is in the bottom three this week. That's the only one I can agree with, because I love Jessica and Nadia no matter what but also they weren't that bad. Not compared to Anthony, for example. It's getting a lot harder to point out the worst performances, but I can still like who I like. Jessica and Anwar hold hands because I was right about them, and Simon is again with the middle finger tracing his lips while staring lazily at Ryan, but he's pretty awesome because he just leaves that middle finger right out in the daylight parked on his cheek through the whole rest of this. We're live and this whole thing is stupid. Anwar's outfit is totally awesome, by the way, all industrial and earth-toned. I was too perturbed by all the stuff going on to notice that until just now.