Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Flea Spare
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.29.2005
Nikko "Ozzie? Ozzie who? I am in no way affiliated with anyone named Ozzie" Smith (tm Thegirliscrazy) finally admits that he has a dad, and that this dad is famous, and talks about a very emotional time in 1996 when Ozzie retired from the Cardinals and was given a big celebration in the stadium, because he'd "never really seen" his dad cry before. Aww. He's got all his physical moves planned out tonight, and it's nice. Professional and very fun to watch. He's singing "Can We Talk?" by T.E.V.I.N., written I think by Babyface. You know I love my T.E.V.I.N.
Also, though, this new young fresh Nikko. So much. He looks totally cute with his moves and his songs and his sincerity…it's great. The backup band contributes to the dating of this dated song, with all these Sade-esque bong-bonk sounds, but I love it anyhow. I am always hit in the face with a brick of nostalgia each week when the Nikko Effect takes some song I barely remember and makes it into art. He's one thousand times better dressed like a guy, instead of like my grandfather. And his great moves don't interfere with his great voice either, like some people, Nadia. Great performance. I love R&B like this. I like soft hits, and I like slow jams. I wish someone would sing the "Tender Roni" song.
The judges are mostly boring, so here's a few Honorable Mentions: windmills went there with "Nikko Smith: Backflipping into the Competition," Zsus gave us "The Artist Formally Known as Osbourne," and jennifuh came up with a personal favorite, Nikko "Don't Call It A Comeback" Smith. Hee! They should just let my forum posters judge this thing. I know they drink enough. Anyway, Randy calls it "incredible" and tells Nikko he "blew it out" tonight. Paula is made proud to be sitting where she's sitting tonight, or something, and thinks he "did another consecutive great week." Simon thinks he's a "breath of fresh air" but somehow thinks it's a compliment to call this "quite a good copy of the original." And compared to the previous weeks of the Nikko Effect, this sounded quite a bit more dated, but I still think that's due to the arrangement more than anything. "We're over your Casio presets! I'm talking to you, The Nineties!"
Anthony Fedorov ("The Polar Bear with Latin Flair Can Breathe Air from a Hole Right There," per twotrey) loves the nineties because…he came to America in 1994. I can't argue with that. He was like five in 1990, so I don't guess a lot of things would make quite the impact of moving to the most sensation-packed world this side of urban Tokyo. "Everything looked different," the cars and street signs and people, and he just wanted to be a part of it. Anthony just wanted to be part of that seething, mad mess they call America. How Kavalier & Clay. I like that. Especially because I too would rather have him here than back in that seething, mad mess they call the former Soviet republics.