Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Flea Spare
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.29.2005
Simon says if anything he'd switch Nadia and Scott in that lineup. Scott is a fucker and an ungrateful ass, but I think he's just making his normal creepy face again here instead of pulling that bullshit from the last couple of weeks. Jessica's kind of shocked to be up there, she admits. Not me. I love her, but she sang the most boring song ever. She says, and I agree, that she did her best last night, but only within the confines of the fact that she should never have chosen that song in the first place. First Lindsey and now Jessica, crowding up in Carrie's box when they should be singing other music entirely. It's deadly, man. Nadia is now safe and only thanks Jesus and the people of America a little bit, and I marvel how I once was bothered by that until Scott came in with the fake-ass religion. She looks at A-Fed as she returns to Suffragette City in this adorable "Whew! That was close!" way. Jessica and Anwar look kind of sad at us and each other, and then blink when they have to wait some more, because there's a commercial, even though it took me longer to write this paragraph than it did to get through this segment. They hug some more.
All three of them onstage, Jessica, Anwar, and Ryan, look fantastic. This will be a slight bit easier thanks to that. Randy calls this "one of those weird weeks" where the best singers are in the bottom three. Then he says it's "not about looks or personality," which is accidentally a TOTAL BURN, and the camera doesn't know who to focus on as he says this, since they're both attractive people, with nice personalities. That was very Paula of him. Randy and Paula are both pretty much shocked that two of the top vocalists are on the stage right now. Ryan asks whether the audience should be judging more on individual nights, or each performer as a whole, and that's too many words for Paula, so she goes TILT and just says that you have to "keep calling for the people you like you have to remember to call." I understand how she could think that was hard. Ryan reiterates that you shouldn't do the thing people do every year, which is to assume that certain people are safe and then get burned by the McKibbin Maneuver. From the faces of the judges and Ryan, I honestly think they're as grossed out by this as I am.
If you read the recaplets, you know I was pretty upset Wednesday night, and I've chilled since then, but mostly it's all an act and I'm still pretty hurt by what happens next: Jessica had the lowest number of votes, and she's out. Ryan kind of blurts his horror about this, Anwar's earnestly and sincerely sad, and he hugs her a while. I knew he was her next Mikalah. Oh, man, that means the whole Andy Dick scenario won't pan out at all, and that was awesome. Maybe she went all "The Grandmother" and left them poisoned cookies or something. Cross your fingers. The judges look grossed out; Simon smirks sadly. Jessica thanks Ryan for his congratulations on getting this far, and says she loved every minute of the experience, and then the video journey, where she talks about how emotional it's been. She calls singing "a dream she's always had," and says she doesn't regret any performances. Any of them, sweetie? Really? I can think of at least one I'd like to discuss with you. We remember how Simon once told her how she gave the best female performance, and she tells us about how she's learned to take criticism better through this, because unlike some people I could mention, she hardly ever forgets she's on TV, I think, and then she and everybody in Suffragette City crack up because at the mention of the criticism we get a shot of her making an extreme "bleuurrgh" face at the camera, and it's very cute. She takes off the leather jacket she's been wearing, and you can really see her black extensions, underside, and against her extremely unflattering teal tank, they look pretty cool.