Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
Not!warts, and not caring! The Dolt, demonstrably competent at his new job in ways dim Raige never dreamed of being, orders an underling about for a bit and agrees to substitute for a sick teacher, all the while focusing part of his attention on his lippy bastard of a sister-in-law's own Issue Of The Week, which I still don't care about. Shut up. All of you. Now. None of them pay me any heed. There follows an endless pep-talk from the Dolt, who urges Raige to trust her instincts as far as Mitchell is concerned, much as he himself did when he was confronted with the trio of shrill, shrieking harpies the ever-useless Elders tossed in his direction oh, so many years ago. And...scene? Yeah. Whatever.
All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. Phoebe, in a pair of distressingly low-riding pants, spews something into her cell phone at the paper's lawyers, or whomever, before entering the just-arrived elevator car alone. Lantos and a henchdemon squiggle in silently behind her to menace her with a pair of scissors. The henchdemon slings an arm around Phoebe's waist and pushes her face-first towards the elevator wall, but she hoots and yodels and runs her feet up the paneling until she's hurled herself into a backflip that positions her once more in the center of the car. Without so much as a backwards glance, she boots Lantos in the head while landing a punch on the henchdemon's jaw that sends him staggering away from her a bit. Phoebe frantically paws through her pockets for the vial Piper had given her, and finds it just as Lantos recovers to stalk up behind her. Phoebe manages to land the vial in the henchdemon's chest, and henchdemon go boom right there in that tiny, enclosed space. Lantos, undeterred, leans forward and successfully snips off a swatch of Phoebe's hair. Phoebe immediately spins around to yank the shears from his mitt while backhanding the demon in the teeth. She spins once more to, um, build momentum, or something, and rams the scissors through the air in the direction of Lantos's heart. Lantos, however, has long since squiggled away, and the scissors simply embed themselves in another bit of the elevator's paneling. Needless to say, the elevator comes to a stop at this point just in time for two visibly perturbed colleagues of Phoebe's just to get an eyeful of Phoebe's asscrack as the Feebs crawls up onto the car's railing to yank the scissors out of the wall. Phoebe doofs something inane about the shears as she too casually fans away the smoke left over from the henchdemon's vanquish, while flashing the hateful Cooter Tattoo at the unsuspecting and undeserving pair who now plunge into the commercial break to commit suicide.
Or something like that.