Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
Bitch.
Not!warts. The Dolt chides Raige for deliberately totaling her car. She shrugs that it was a rental and the insurance will take care of everything...thereby raising the rates for everyone who doesn't commit insurance fraud, so, uh, THANKS FOR NOTHING, BITCH. Anyway, long story short, Raige wants to bail on this whole Whitelighter thing until the Dolt accuses her of cowardice, or something, and suggests that Raige stop focusing on Mitchell as a witch and start focusing on him as a man. I bet Mitchell hates witchcraft because someone near and dear to his heart suffered needlessly because of his gift. Am I right? Huh? AmIamIamIamIamIamIHUH? I'm totally right. Because I've seen this plot point play out about forty-seven times already on this stupid, stupid show. I swear to God.
Over at some municipal building that most certainly is not San Francisco's City Hall, Piper and Phoemara wander through a hallway as Piper incredulously grunts, "Vanquishing a city councilman? Are you crazy?" Phoemara, who's changed into a surprisingly modest knit dress that is nevertheless an idiotic and eye-catching shade of bright pink -- like, way to be as inconspicuous as possible, there, you dumb demon -- natters something about Piper being okay with the plan before they arrived, which naturally leads Piper to peeve that she thought they'd be confronting the current target of their animosity in "an alley or a warehouse, not downtown." "We can't afford to be reckless," Piper hisses, "especially with [Pepper Anderson] lurking around." Phoemara couldn't care less, and in fact has begun preening herself in the reflective surface of a fire extinguisher's housing. "What are you doing?" Piper demands, calling her on it. "Don't be so vain." "I just want to be presentable!" Phoemara snips. "Then maybe you should put on a jacket!" Piper snaps back. Heh. The two approach the security reception area and, rather than subtly freezing the scene from a distance, the dim witch who's oh-so-worried about recklessness and exposure waits until she's in full view of the security cameras before flipping out a hand. Oh, Piper. Why you gotta be so stoopid? The two Ps motor on over to the inner sanctum of "Councilman Wexler" to confront him, and when the upper-level demonic elected official conjures a Flaming Ball Of Death with which to toast their asses, Piper unleashes her Hands to knock him back against the wall before Phoemara tosses a vanquishing vial into his chest. Daleek quickly vanishes in a small puff of fire. "Wow. That was awesome," Phoemara breathes, unduly impressed, which would be a signal to Piper that all's not quite right with the Feebs, were Piper not so intent on being as wretchedly stupid as everyone else this evening. Piper spins on her heel to power out of the office, trailed by Phoemara, who assures Piper that "no one will ever know [they] were here." Of course, Phoemara delivers this line as the camera lands on the security monitor, frozen on the image of the two women confronting the receptionist. D'oh! Also: Commercial!
Manor. Piper and Phoemara pedenatter through the front hall, blithering endlessly at each other until Piper finally confronts Phoemara on her increasingly odd behavior. Phoemara attributes her scattered demeanor to concern both for her column and for Piper's well-being, before disappearing upstairs to change after making a doofy, promo-style remark I'll not be recapping. As Phoemara vanishes, the doorbell rings, and this is just unbelievably dumb, so I'll be getting through it as quickly as possible. Basically, Pepper Anderson's arrived both with news of Councilman Wexler's disappearance and with a print-out of the image of Piper and Phoemara at the security desk EVEN THOUGH IT JUST HAPPENED ALL OF TEN MINUTES AGO AT MOST. Whatever! WHATEVER! WHY WILL THEY NOT CANCEL THIS STUPID, ASSY SHOW NOW? WHY, GODDAMMIT, WHY? Pepper Anderson makes suspicious noises, Piper counters with some soothing ones of her own, and Pepper eventually exits the Manor with a promise to "keep in touch." Piper slams shut the door and pisses her way into the flashing transition that whisks us down to...