Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
Up in the nonexistent attic, Phoemara effortlessly flips through the Book of Shadows's pages -- like, so much for the Book protecting itself against all evil, no matter how minor -- while the Dolt explains the reasoning behind his conviction that they're dealing with a soul-swapper. Soul-swapping is far more complicated and involved than any sort of, say, voodoo intervention, and so requires "fresher ingredients." This is the reason, he believes, that the demon or demons unknown snipped off that Phlock of hair, rather than stealing a brush from one of the Manor bathrooms. Phoemara, eager to divert the conversation from the topic, disputes the Dolt's argument, noting that demons have attempted many times in the past to impersonate Charmed Ones, but were always found out because of how well the gals know each other. Why, then, would a soul-swapper attempt such a thing now in light of that history of failure? Piper's more or less torn between these opposing points of view, but does believe they'll find Lantos's scissors of some use, and asks Phoemara to hand them over as promised. Phoemara, quickly realizing her dimwitted minion must have left behind some rather incriminating evidence, promptly fakes one of Phoebe's orgasmic premonitions to shut Piper up. Conveniently enough for Phoemara's overall plan, she happens to have the Book open to Daleek's entry, and soon persuades Piper and the Dolt to target this first of Zankou's "lieutenants." Once that's settled, Phoemara makes to flee from the room to change into "something a little more sexy." Piper calls her on this verbal slip, but Phoemara's able to cover by amending "sexy" to "comfortable." Phoemara's about to disappear down the stairs one more time before Piper shouts out, "Wait!" "God," Phoemara hisses to herself with a seething irritation. "What is it this time?" Whoa. Alyssa Milano's quite believable as the vexatious diva bitch, isn't she? Go figure. Anyway, long story short, Piper thinks they should enlist Raige's aid, the Dolt reminds the wife that they'll have to get used to working without Raige now that the latter's a Whitelighter, and Phoemara agrees with the Dolt. Despite the fact that the central conceit of this show is the Power of Three, and if Piper and Phoebe are going to have to get used to working without Raige now that the latter's a Whitelighter, they might just as well fire Rose McGowan and quit pretending the show's original concept has anything at all to do with the bullshit we're watching now.
Wow. Where'd that come from? Like I give a rat's ass about this show's original concept. Besides, why simply fire Rose McGowan when they can CANCEL THIS ENTIRE SHOW. NOW. Ahem. Where was I, again? Oh, yeah: Phoemara at long last exits the nonexistent attic to change clothes. Piper and the Dolt make dizzy "That's our Feebs!" eyes at each other. Scene.