Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
...Imara's Underworld Boudoir Of Very Bad Wigs And Even Worse Body Issues. Imoebe paces the tight confines of her gilded cage, fretting her way through her current situation as Imara's minions appear to heckle and sneer at her. Imoebe shortly enough stumbles across a cunning plan in that cramped cage and pretends to pass out for a moment before rising to berate Imara's underlings. "They figured it out!" she lies. "The witches switched our souls back! It's me!" Lantos isn't buying it, though, even after Imoebe confronts him over the scissors he so foolishly left behind. Lantos orders a henchdemon to stand guard while he himself heads topside to investigate Imoebe's claims. Imoebe yells something at the remaining underlings, but they ignore her.
Raige's Pointless Subplot. Raige orbs into Mitch's body shop, and yawn. Here's the subsequent conversation in a nutshell:
Raige: I know what happened to you because this is the twenty-third time we've used this plotline in the last four years!
Mitchell: Fuck off, Raige.
Raige: I'm not listening to you!
Mitchell: Fuck. OFF! Raige!
Raige: You cannot escape! Now admit that your fiancée died at the hands of demons and CRY, Mitchell! CRY!
Mitchell: Even though I have repeatedly told you to FUCK OFF, I will now break down and admit to the error of my ways because you, a total stranger to me until this very morning, have mentioned my dead fiancée! Why have I wasted my wondrous gift for, lo, all these many years? Woe! O grievous, grievous woe!
God, I hate this show.
Manor. Nonexistent Attic. More wacky Phoemara-related hijinks, including a faked orgasmic premonition regarding Benzoar's current whereabouts, and Phoemara blithely instructing the paper's shrink via her cell phone to make any changes he wants to her column, as she really doesn't care. Piper shoots her supposed sister a supremely suspicious glare at this last, but nothing comes of it, for the dreadful sounds of the sadistic Psycho mercilessly abusing poor, neglected, and doomed Tiny Gay Chris invade the nonexistent room at this moment from the floor below. Piper whisks out of the room to wrangle her constantly feuding children just as Lantos squiggles in behind Phoemara with a Flaming Ball Of Death at the ready. "What are you doing here?" Phoemara demands. Lantos promptly gets appropriately obsequious as he fills Phoemara in on the current situation down in Hell. Phoemara barely has time to process this new information before Piper calls out from the stairwell. Phoemara, thinking quickly, calls out, "Piper, help!" "What are you doing?" Lantos splutters. "Covering!" Phoemara sneers as Piper lopes in from the upper landing. "Blow him up!" Phoemara urges, and Piper complies without hesitation. Once Lantos has howled and wailed and blazed his merry way to The Waste Land, Piper and Phoemara, joined shortly by Raige, conduct a brief processing summit, during which Phoemara lies that Lantos mentioned his mistress's name before Piper vanquished him. Phoemara leads the others to the Book and quickly locates her own entry. Yikes. The watercolor illustration makes Imara look like the unholy love child of Illeana Douglas and Fran Lebowitz. With worse hair. In the interest of thoroughness, the entry itself reads as follows (emphasis mine):