Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
But before we get into all that, we return to Hell, where Lantos and the henchdemons manhandle Imoebe into a gilded cage suspended from the chamber's ceiling. Once Imoebe's locked inside, Lantos waves a red crystal around in front of the thing, which activates a force field that audibly glows through the cage's bars as Imoebe protests mightily above it all. Well, not so much with the "mightily" bit there, to be honest with you. Suzanne Krull's obviously done her homework, as she now raises the pitch of her voice by an octave and skillfully adopts a couple of Alyssa Milano's physical and verbal tics to portray Phoebe-within-Imara's confusion, fear, and dismay. Again, another really good performance by a guest star in an episode which, as scripted, is entirely unworthy of the effort. Anyway, Lantos vows that Imoebe's view from inside the cage will be "the last one [she] ever [has]" as Imoebe herself flutters around impotently within the bars, before the screen flares back to...
...All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me, where the blowing is already in progress, as Phoemara and her trusty Cooter Tat respond to the psychologist's sneering condescension by shoving their tongue down his throat. Did I mention that this psychologist's the same sort of smug, supercilious, self-satisfied, doughy, pasty, pudgy, balding, uptight prick they always set against the Feebs in these situations, and so this tongue-hiking is made that much more disgusting as a result? Well, I just did. You can thank me later, because right now I have to follow Phoemara as she saunters from her office into the main room, flirting shamelessly with anything currently in possession of a dick. Which, one would assume, would now include Elise Rothman, Girl Editor, but she's not in this episode until the very end. Ooops. Was that a spoiler? Oh, fuck it.
None of that matters, anyway, because it's time to head back to the Manor, where Piper learns that her useless husband's Not!warts-assisted research has proved fruitless and the Dolt wants a nooner. No, seriously. No. Seriously. Keep it in your pants, Dolt. Vile fucker. Ew! The Dolt, fortunately not getting any anytime soon as they have demons to vanquish, runs through the possible suspects in Phoebe's hair attack, but there are just too many options given the paucity of information available to them at this point in the story. The two banter about Piper's efforts to send the Underworld a message for a bit before Phoemara ambles in through the front door, eager to off herself a few bad guys. Unfortunately, she's quickly distracted by something shiny -- in this case, a mirror in which she coos over her appearance -- so it's left to Piper and the Dolt to strategize their next moves. The Dolt suggests a little Book abuse, despite the fact that their earlier abuse was a waste of time. Phoemara, still examining herself in the mirror, overeagerly agrees with him. Piper, rather than growing instantly suspicious over the fact that her self-centered and lazy sow of a sister now, suddenly, is eager to work, chooses to vanish into the commercial break with a massive roll of her eyes. I hear ya, P.