Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
Imara's Underworld Boudoir Of Very Bad Wigs And Even Worse Body Issues. "What pretty hair she has!" Imara croons, stroking the Phlock Lantos retrieved for her. "This is going to be fun," she promises, crossing away from her minion to approach the camera, and Imara? I'll be the fucking judge of that. Lantos -- who's not a bad-looking guy, quite frankly, even though I don't normally go for the bald sorts -- blathers on and on about Phoebe's intuition and Piper and Raige's own powers and wah, but Imara impatiently shuts him up so she can get all crazy jealous while "wonder[ing] how men look at [Phoebe]." "With lushtful heawt, no doubt!" Imara spits through her dentures. The absolute only thing that saves that line is Suzanne Krull's delivery of it, which ends up giving us the impression that Imara's just as disgusted as we are that so many losers chase after that bony skank. After issuing a smackdown on Lantos's ass for his incessant impertinence, or whatever, Imara crosses to one of her maids and drops Phoebe's hair on the salver the woman holds, just as the screen flares and we find ourselves...
...back at All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me, where Phoebe's examining the damage to her coif by angling her compact around her head while whinging at Piper via her office phone regarding the same. "And I just spent $250 on a cut and color!" Phoebe adds indignantly. Two hundred and fifty dollars on a fucking haircut? Death is too good for you, you stupid bitch. Piper's of the much the same mind as I am on the matter, only she's far less verbal with the whole Death To The Stupid Bitch bit. Instead, she chooses to pump her wicked, wasteful hag of a sister for further information on the attack, and is pleased to hear that Phoebe has the scissors in her possession, which should of course allow them to scry for the current position of the demon responsible. At this moment, Phoebe spots the lawyer-recommended psychologist arriving in the outer office, and abruptly hangs up after promising to return to the Manor with the shears as soon as she can. "Dr. Randall" then enters Phoebe's office to make with the introductions, and I will be paying no attention at all to any of this, especially because the Cooter Tat threatens to leap from the screen and suck out my brain through my eye sockets the longer I linger on this scene, so let's head back down to Hell, shall we?
Ah. See? It's always so much better down in Hell. Imara twiddles the Phlock of hair while chanting some Craptin. Eventually, she lets it drop into a massive, steaming cauldron, which emits an explosion strong enough to knock Imara onto her back on the floor. A black cloud representing Imara's infernal essence, or whatever, pillars instantly from her inert body to plunge upwards through the chamber's ceiling.
All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me. As the doctor snidely belittles the Feebs for her educational shortcomings, Phoebe's glowy white soul takes sudden leave of her body and descends into Hell, just as Imara's essence arrives to assume control of Phoebe's physical form. Great. Once again, an episode in which Alyssa Milano has to portray Phoebe as possessed or impersonated by someone or something else. This should blow. As much as "Enter The Demon," "A Paige From The Past," "Y Tu Mummy También," "The Importance Of Being Phoebe," "Oh My Goddess Part Two," "Used Karma," and "Show Ghouls" did, at any rate. What's that? I've been watching this show for far too long? Why, yes! Yes, I have. Still doesn't mean they can recycle the same fucking plot device for the same fucking character eight fucking times in three and a half fucking years, right?