Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "Your Phoebe's So Ugly..."
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.30.2005
ANY-way, Raige lies badly again -- because she must, because the script compels her to do so in order to set up yet another round of this tedious Pepper Anderson nonsense -- that she and Piper were wondering the same thing. Piper does not place a quieting hand on her stupid half-sister's arm and inform Pepper Anderson that it's probable the intruders were after last night's receipts, because Piper's got her head so far up her ass, she'll need a couple of windows in her tits to see where she's going for the rest of the episode. Pepper Anderson absorbs all of this rampant stupidity with an odd half-smile on her face, thanks the ladies for their time, and promises to keep in touch before heading across the room to consult with the forensics team. Raige bright-sides something dumb about Pepper Anderson not remembering them thanks to Dead Bulging Brody's special Whitelightery fairy dust, allowing Piper to lay the following bit of unnecessary exposition upon the long-suffering and rapidly dwindling audience's collective ass: "Yeah, but it's not a hundred percent guaranteed. If we give her the slightest cause, her memory could come flying back." "Which," Piper adds, tossing a final glance in Pepper Anderson's direction, "is another reason we need to find the demon who did this." Muggy McGowan rolls her eyes so far back in her skull, she looks like she's been temporarily possessed by Patrick Bauchau's character on Carnivàle. Hey! Now that I think about it, between Raige's moustache and Lila's beard, those two ladies would make a pretty sweet couple.
No. Kidding. Ew.
Cut to The Lair Of The Demon Who Did This, and hoo boy, do I hate the set-up for tonight's A plot. You see, The Demon Who Did This is a supposedly unsightly hag named Imara who intends to weaken Zankou by first taking out his "most trusted lieutenants" on earth, a trio of upper-level sorts named Daleek, Benzoar, and Lintzen. As these demons can only be vanquished by unusually powerful forces of good, Supposedly Unsightly Imara plans to switch bodies with one of "the beautiful Charmed Ones," and needs a lock of hair to complete her wicked spell. Why do I hate this? Because everyone around Supposedly Unsightly Imara behaves as if she's so ugly, she's impossible to look at, which naturally means Imara has beauty issues, and it's obvious those issues will result in her downfall long before this evening's over, so why should I care about any of this at all if the conclusion is so obviously foregone? So, there's that. Even worse? Imara's not so much repulsive to look at as she is badly wigged. She's also suffering from the detrimental effects of indifferently applied prosthetic makeup effects, primarily an obviously fake nose spread across the center of her face, along with a pair of furry eyebrows taped to her forehead. If half her face were melted away, say, or if she looked like the second version of the original Source -- hell, if she looked like Joey Ramone, for Christ's sake -- I could maybe sort of buy all of this crap. As it is now? Never. God, I hate this show.